What’s a bigger abuse? Suppose I say you look like a donkey or a monkey or an orangutan even? Or if I say that you have sex with your mother? Careful how you answer that one; it’s a trick question.
If you fell into the trap and gave the usual answer (“I’d rather be called a monkey than be accused of sleeping with my mother”), then consider what we know of the facts of the Harbhajan Singh vs Andrew Symonds dispute.
So many lies have been told by both sides that it’s hard to establish what really happened. But according to cricket writers who’ve spoken to Indian players, events went something like this: Harbhajan went up to Brett Lee, who was bowling, and said, “Well bowled.” Symonds, who was nearby, rushed up to the Indian batsman and began sledging him using such words as “bastard” along with variations on the F-word. Harbhajan retaliated with a few F-words of his own. But when he realized he was getting nowhere with the Australians, he fell back on the taunt that had so angered Symonds during Australia’s tour of India and called him “a big monkey”.
Symonds treated this as a racial epithet (which the Indians have always denied it is; the reference is said to be to the white gel that Symonds puts on his lips) as did the rest of the Australian team. “That’s a shit-word, mate” Harbhajan was told. “That’s racial vilification.” And so on.
Your mum vs a monkey: Is obscenity easier to accept than a racial slur? (Steve Holland / Reuters)
Fortunately for Harbhajan, the stump microphone did not pick up what he’d said but the match referee believed the testimony of the Australians and imposed a three-match ban. Later, when all hell broke loose and various Internet jokers suggested that the batsman had actually said “
teri maa ki”, the Indian side decided to adopt this as the official position.
Asked by judge Hansen at the appeal hearing what happened, Harbhajan claimed he’d said “teri maa ki”. Sachin Tendulkar, the other batsman on the pitch, backed this version. The judge asked what the expression meant. The Indians explained that it was an obscene reference to having sex with your mother.
Fine, said the judge, I’ll accept that you didn’t call him a monkey and revoke the three-match ban. Instead, I’ll dock half your match fee for using an obscenity.
So there you have it. Call someone a monkey and you sit out most of the series. Say he’s had sex with his mother and you are let off with a fine.
That’s why I urged you to be careful at the beginning of this column—in a politically correct world, the worst abuse is not the one that involves sex or incest. It’s the animal references that get you into trouble.
Ever since judge Hansen issued his ruling, many friends have asked me variations on the same question: What do we tell our children? Do we say “Beta, do not call your friend a dog or a monkey. Just suggest that he has it off with his mother. Or you can say that he sleeps with his sister?” What kind of sense does such a ruling make?