It is not zeenia, Sidin. It is zane-ya. Ermenegildo Zane-ya!”
My colleague, who covers high fashion and suchlike, frowned as she severely reprimanded my proletariat business Italian.
And thus, I was sent forth into the perilous world of luxury suits. A world where prices are an inconvenient element of the conversation and pocket squares lead to debates not unlike those about the West Asian peace process. In this merciless world, all that stands between high fashion and eternal sartorial damnation is one, solitary pleat.
In the normal course of things, I am your regular guy when it comes to dressing. When I wake up in the morning, I choose my accoutrements using a simple three-step decision-making process. Question 1: Is it dry? At least in the crotch? Question 2: Can it go without ironing? Question 3: Has the missus left for work?
A triple positive leads to immediate wearing. Colour matching and contemporary fashion be damned.
Therefore, when I was asked to go and scope out this entire “made to measure” (MTM) and “bespoke” suit brouhaha, I was mildly perturbed. Not that I don’t have a basic understanding of men’s suits. I own three full suits, all crafted by that super dependable guy at the Reid and Taylor outlet near Flora Fountain. There’s something in that man’s fingers that broadens shoulders, hides love handles and tightens posteriors.
Yet, I was wary when I made my calls to the Brioni, Manzoni and Zegna showrooms to book my fitting appointments. There would be no actual purchase of suits alas (I can’t. The paper won’t. Imagine the fringe benefit tax!). Still, I had to tête-à-tête with experts in the business. These are guys who do nothing but make and talk suits all day long.
The Italian job
Ermenegildo Zegna
The classic two-button, two-pocket, cuffed-trouser look.
The Zegna showroom is located within the gleaming corridors of The Taj Mahal Palace and Tower. The store is all minimalist European metal and glass. Everything at right angles to everything. Little wooden rings to hold ties together. One regulation BlackBerry-toting foreign businessman type browses through the shirts as I wait for my contact to appear.
Owais Sheikh, MTM coordinator at Zegna, is himself a dashing ambassador for the brand. He is tall, 6ft-ish, and sharp in his Zegna suit. Sheikh also has the disarming smile and pleasant diction of a man who routinely makes customers who come for a pair of socks leave with a suit or two.
“My mind begins processing as soon as you enter the store. The way you stand, sit, your posture, your walk. Before I measure, I observe. I already know what to look for in your fitting.” While Sheikh begins to explain the Zegna way, I look at myself in the mirror. And prepare for the worst.