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Slam dunk

Slam dunk
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First Published: Sat, Apr 28 2007. 02 46 AM IST
Updated: Sat, Apr 28 2007. 02 46 AM IST
I’m all for games that are Made in India—as in games that are conceived and developed entirely in India. Usually, such efforts are rather laudable, considering that Indian game developers are just finding their feet and every such game is a step towards the multi-billion dollar pie that is the global gaming industry. Unfortunately, games like Infotech Resources’ VirtuArmy will not help our cause. It’s not that VirtuArmy is a bad game—for it is—but worse, it’s a useless piece of rubbish masquerading as a “superb 3D extravaganza”.
The back-cover blurb serves as an ample warning though—it seems to have been put together by randomly stringing words till they resemble the worst B grade sci-fi plot you’ve ever heard. They tell you of a “Nuclear Missile Base”, a terrorist army known as “VirtuArmy”, of a plan to stop them by sending in a single guy armed only with a... wait for it... “strong ‘bazooka’ gun”.
If you think that’s bad, wait till you actually start playing the game. The game opens to a main menu interface that’s so ridiculous that it makes my Photoshopping skills look great. Anyway, a click and two loading screens later, you are greeted with what appears to be a corridor within this purported nuclear base.
Cor, blimey! What’s that horrible sound? No... it can’t be... but it is! It’s the soundtrack. Quick! The volume control.
Oh look, there’s a chap there waving at me! “Wassup man.”
Hang on... what’s that blob of blue going past my head? Wey hey! He’s shooting at me. I think. Well, all right then, mister. Eat lead!
WTF? A “strong ‘bazooka’ gun” goes “plink”? Oh well, die, nasty, die!
“Plink, plink.”
Now I must use my shrewdness and tactical skills by hiding behind those drums that have the words ‘Gas’ and ‘Explosives’ written on them. Funny things to have lying around in a deadly nuclear missile base methinks, but what do I know, eh? Ho hum.
Anyway, after 10 minutes of running around pointlessly in corridors that all look exactly the same, fighting strange terrorists who, for some reason, choose to hide behind aforementioned drums, killing the commander “who holds the key to each level” (who appears to be a woman dressed in high heels and a flowing cape), you move to the next level, which looks and plays the same as before.
In case you’re feeling particularly vicious, you can invite a friend over for a ‘Two Player’ session, which involves both of you playing the game in turns.
I could go on about the long loading time, bugs in the game, terrible AI, etc., but why bother? R.I.P.
Game: VirtuArmy
Platform: PC
Price: Rs109, available at select gaming and music stores
(Write to Arjun Nair at lounge@livemint.com)
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First Published: Sat, Apr 28 2007. 02 46 AM IST
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