It’s too hot to focus on one topic for this column. Summer always enhances my ADD (attention deficit disorder). Here are some of the unconnected thoughts that are flitting through my head these days:
1. Dad heads to certain death as his baby boy is born. “What will we name him?” is his last question to his wife before he is blown to smithereens. Cut to movie title: Star Trek. Director J.J. Abrams has clearly been watching Hindi movies. I know I’ve seen this sequence several times over in Bollywood but movie encyclopaedia Jerry Pinto reminded me of a particularly funny one. “Mard. The titles run on the baby’s chest, where Dara Singh has carved the word mard in Hindi with his knife, and the child has not wept.” Too good.
Do it: Have you created your equivalent of Pyaasa?
2. I have got to get my hands on that ultimate summer accessory—a mist fan. For those of you who haven’t seen one, it’s a pedestal fan that sprays water on its targets. Note to self: Must get one with adjustable “misting volume”.
3. Aamir Khan may be the thinking woman’s Khan and Shah Rukh Khan may be the trendy girl’s favourite Khan but Salman Khan is clearly the most charismatic Khan on the small screen. Anyone who can get Daler Mehndi to crack a wicked joke on national television has got my vote. Did you see last week’s episode of 10 Ka Dum with Daler and his brother Mika? Mehndi had to answer a question about kissing. It’s only now that they give so much importance to kissing, he pointed out, making a reference to Indian men and their lack of foreplay. Salman, of course, got the joke immediately.
4. David Carradine. Autoerotic asphyxiation. Why you shouldn’t try it. Look it up.
5. I’m the same age that Guru Dutt was when he died. And I haven’t even come close to creating my equivalent of Pyaasa. For those of you who are younger, Raj Kapoor made his first movie at 23.
6. It doesn’t matter if you don’t own your own apartment, but after visiting a friend’s bungalow in Himachal Pradesh and devouring vast quantities of home-made plum jam, I’m convinced that everyone needs a second home.
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7. Does anyone know why Airtel harasses their clients before the due date of their phone bill? Can’t wait for number portability.
8. Wimbledon. Why we love it more than the IPL. Read Lounge next week.
9. Last week, an Indian court actually asked the police to register an FIR against a woman and her family for giving dowry. Good job, I say. Both the givers and receivers of dowry are equally at fault.
10. Just a few months after launching Hoegaarden on tap, the Select Citywalk, New Delhi outlet of Spaghetti Kitchen has discontinued it. InBev’s India CEO says the tap ran dry because the customs department plans to increase prices of all imported liquor in Delhi. Oh the joys of living in the capital city.
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