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Business News/ Mint-lounge / Mint-on-sunday/  Letter from... a bar
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Letter from... a bar

In Mumbai's watering holes, men get a taste of gender-based discrimination

Photo: Abhijit Bhatlekar/MintPremium
Photo: Abhijit Bhatlekar/Mint

In modern-day, cramped urban centres like Mumbai, with limited scope for cultural activities, picnics or sport, social plans among men usually revolve around a certain conversation, the crux of which remains the same, though some context changes with time.

For example, it used to be “Let’s get a drink." Sometimes “let’s get a drink but someplace cheap" or “let’s get a drink someplace not too crowded". This conversation may, with age, change to “a place where we can hear each other" to “something nearby" to “let’s get a drink where we would be allowed".

Now, you would wonder why a reasonably harmless-looking middle-aged man, who is capable of paying for a couple of pints, does not have the biceps that would strike fearsome awe, has no criminal record and has never really been physically thrown out for misbehaviour (gently coaxed out for refusing to leave after closing time does not apply and that was 12 years ago) would not be allowed into a bar. This is Mumbai, after all, the only liberal, progressive, modern, etc. city in the country. 

But innocent, suffering men (not just me) have been subjected to this kind of discrimination for long. It’s happened a few times at a local grubby dive, which is empty most nights and you would think is happy to get a customer. (You wonder why a person would subject himself to repeated humiliations? The answer: The place is walking distance and has a pool table.) It’s happened at a hip new joint in Lower Parel, where we two male friends were stopped at the door some months ago.

“But we have a female friend joining us soon." 

“No sir."

“But she is my wife, look ring," one pleaded, hoping that social legitimacy to a relationship may somehow bend the bouncer.

“No sir."

Last week, it happened again, after so long that I had forgotten what it felt like to be rejected. 

“We have a stag policy (no men allowed unless accompanied by a female)," said the big burly guy at the gate.

“Call the manager," we said, instead of a reindeer joke that sprang into my head.

Manager came out. He was a small burly guy.

“We don’t allow," he said. 

“But we have, look woman," said the three men together.

“No, we have a rule, one woman to one man."

“But we have been to this chain so many times without women and it’s just a bar, not the White House."

“No, this is Juhu."

Historically, it seems, men or groups of men at a bar is bad news. They drink too much, misbehave, talk loudly, break glasses, get into fights, dance on tables, etc. They sometimes get too friendly and make women feel uncomfortable, afraid at times. 

When men are accompanied by women, the bar management assumes they would behave more responsibly or that the accompanying lady would handle him if he gets too rowdy. 

With years of experience of having been denied entry, I have come up with a short list of certain whys and whereabouts. The bouncers at the gate or door usually make a quick assessment of the potential customers. Their age (the younger, the more susceptible to getting drunk very quickly), clothes (college rags—will sit with one beer for four hours—or office smart or cool hip), numbers (up to two is manageable—they can be sent to stand in a corner—more will take up space), how they arrive (car, welcome; auto-rickshaw, show ID) and attitude (ask politely and it’s “stags not allowed", walk in arrogantly instead and you may not be stopped). The person or people are then allowed in or not. 

Familiarity helps, of course; if you are frequent flyer at the same watering hole, the staff is likely to wave you in. Fame helps too—I doubt small and burly would have stopped Sunny Deol. Knowing someone or knowing someone who knows someone can bail you out on occasions. But what if none of these conditions apply?

After last week’s incident, we assessed each other for public acceptability. Appearance? Check. Grey hair that shows maturity? Check. Phones? All smart. We assessed the bar too. Cheap? Check. Accessible? So far. Been before? Check. Empty tables inside? Check. Why not allowed? Checkmate. 

We analysed our upbringing, what we earn, how we look, how we spoke, how we walked, what day of the week it was, what time it was... No single conclusion helped establish why we were not let in—except that we were men.

So, why did bars become discriminatory? (Mumbai is by no means an exception—women are not allowed, for example, in a bar in Paris.) It’s partly perception: An outlet with only or mostly men can be seen as shady. Men are assumed to be mostly interested in the booze, while women pay attention to the food and ambience as well; so a place with mixed genders appears better balanced. Women feel comfortable going to places where they see other women.

These remain, at best, generalizations. Not all men get drunk, not all turn lecherous and not all misbehave. But blanket rules make no exceptions—like antibiotics kill more-than-intended bacteria—and there is no way of looking at someone and judging accurately whether or not he would be a nuisance. The rule discriminates against gay couples, forcing them instead to include female company, just so they can have a drink or a meal some place close by or nice.

So what happens after you are denied entry? You ban the place from your list of options on principle? You complain to the management, which always reserves the right to entry? You try again, this time in the right company?

Some years ago, a restaurateur, while explaining why the F&B business was so tricky, compared it to batting in cricket. You can get your food right every time, he said, but if you make one mistake, you can lose your customer (or your wicket) forever. 

But does it really matter, to lose one customer in a city of millions? He said yes, because every person can influence 10 more and once word spreads, why would anyone take a risk with a place, which has a bad reputation when there are so many other choices?

A friend looked at the silver lining: What such bars do achieve is to let men know what it feels like to be judged based purely on your gender.

Letter From... is Mint on Sunday’s antidote to boring editor’s columns. Each week, one of our editors—Sidin Vadukut in London and Arun Janardhan in Mumbai—will send dispatches on places, people and institutions that are worth ruminating about on the weekend. 

Comments are welcome at feedback@livemint.com

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Published: 21 Jan 2017, 11:31 PM IST
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