An election in verse
The poll drama of the past few months is finally over, inspiring Aakar Patel’s limerick-themed quiz. Guess who’s who?
Who dreams of being ruler of Hind
His chances improve
In the 180 groove
At 220, they’re gone with the wind.
B It’s a long hard trek to 272
Especially now there’s no JDU
And Lalu’s allied with Congress
But the polls say I digress
30 from here and NaMo’s through.
C He’s one of three, first among equals
Seshan and Lyngdoh were prequels
His job this time
Is a clean phase nine
And to hope 2014 sees no sequels.
D Calm down Mr Modi, it’s an interview
So we cut out Priyanka, Ahmed Patel too
But you’re pushing your luck
To whine over a little snip and tuck
We’re a government tool—that’s what we do.
E My ivory body that you know
Your finger caresses it, slow
In response to your depression
I let out a cry of satisfaction
But only once. You’re done, you go.
F He exaggerates a little, that we know
In Gujarati, this nickname means “to throw”
The mighty dragons he’s slain
Are they creations of his brain?
His record in New Delhi will soon show.
G This is the venue of that burning train
An episode that brought some much pain
But for others it’s not a matter
Of electoral chatter
Attempts to raise it have remained in vain.
H The sadhus were enraged by this slogan
That described the Gujarati shogun
As a God to be bowed
It may seem NaMo was cowed
But it’ll return after the election’s won.
I The Scarlet Letter was Hawthorne’s mark of shame
I’m a darker shade of purple: what’s my name?
Now whether you vote left or right
Your digit equally betrays my blight
To ensure no one gets seconds, that’s my aim.
Her stance will likely harden
If a chance should arise
to rule Delhi by surprise
But if not, she won’t beg our pardon.
K My party took on Congress brawn
In Delhi we stopped BJP’s dawn
Rolling in my Wagon R
I’m the unexpected star
Bataiye: Hum AAP ke hain kaun?
L Here’s some cud for you to chew
Polls say I’m losing this one too
Their methods really seem unsound
In Bihar I’ll always be around
Jab take rahega samose main aloo.
With Rahul Baba I had to always agree
Mamata, nuke deal, 2G scam
I took the hit: They didn’t give a damn
On 16 May, thank god, I’ll be finally free.
N For all you tired of the same old
Whom the ballot’s symbols leave cold
But vote, you still gotta
Options, there’s not a lotta
My button, depress and hold.
O Grandpa was Kashmir’s Lion
This cub is only the scion
His subjects saith
They’re of Semetic faith
But his kingdom is no Zion.
P How the party wishes she were heir
Or that Pappu his position would share
With the one who could bring
To their weary steps a spring
And save him from the embarrassing glare.
Q There are many here old enough to
Recall when voting was much ado
You arrived and you stood
For as long as you could
Today, you just walk in and you’re through.
R This guru who once taught yoga
Now campaigns in his saffron toga
He riffs on honeymoons
Among other loony tunes
Ab inka to jo hona hai woh hoga.
S Where is she now? “I think sir she’s inside”
“Our men couldn’t find her, hard as they tried”
She just switched off her phone
Amitbhai, this bird has flown
Protection? From terrorists? Surely you lied.
T What’s going on here? The nation wants to know!
From 2G scam to Pakistan, watch the 9pm show!
How dare you? How dare you!
Speak without his cue?
To see a circus as the news, to this channel we go.
U She was called the sexy sanyasi
And also the queen of Jhansi
But these days her domain
A little limited will remain
She’s seen as unstable and chancy.
V Hello, mango people (heh heh), I do like to pun
Whether or not Congress wins, I continue my fun
Stepping out in pink
Without a pause to think
The damage I cause to widow-daughter-son.
W We’re half the population (well, almost)
Yet in elections not unlike a ghost
We’re vote-banks for no leader
Having no champion or pleader
If we did, to victory they’d likely coast.
Adds politics to kids’ knowledge
Says: “NaMo can’t save us”
Now he’s ripe for Giriraj’s haulage.
Y Oh back off, you losers who are whining
About this imaginary scam in mining
I just licensed my sons
To dig out a few tons
It’s really all a part of India Shining.
Z This last one is a toughie and a clue is only decent
It’s Modi’s home minister when the riots were recent
He wasn’t really concerned
While town and city burned
No thanks to the poor forces he sent.
Answers: Advani, Bihar, Chief election commissioner, Doordarshan, Electronic voting machine, Feku, Godhra, Har Har Modi, Indelible ink, Jayalalithaa, Kejriwal, Lalu, Manmohan, Nota, Omar, Priyanka, Queue, Ramdev, Sahebgate, Times Now, Uma Bharti, Vadra, Women, Xavier’s, Yeddyurappa, Zadaphia.
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