First the US invaded West Asia, and now Hollywood has swooped in to finish the job: One day after the Sex and the City2 (it released in the US on Thursday) ladies landed in the Abu Dhabi doo-doo, setting off a dust storm of critical hate, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time seems primed to raise huffy hackles with a swords-and-sandals-style spectacular in ancient Iran.

Painless mush: Jake Gyllenhaal offers an updated spin on the mysterious Oriental lover of cinematic yesteryear.

As an example of the new pop-cultural crusades, Prince of Persia is at once generically insulting and relatively innocuous. Set in the sixth century, the story involves Dastan (Gyllenhaal), the adopted son of King Sharaman (Ronald Pickup), who plucked the wee boy off the streets to raise the child alongside his royal spawn, Tus (Richard Coyle) and Garsiv (Toby Kebbell). The film, directed by Mike Newell and written by Boaz Yakin, Doug Miro and Carlo Bernard, pays dutiful if cursory attention to the family angle. The father imparts wise words and the brothers clasp hands and lock gazes, but the fraternal bonds are shredded after they invade a holy city and Dastan is ensnared in a palace intrigue.

Cut and chiselled, his pumped-up pectorals flashing, Gyllenhaal offers an updated spin on the mysterious Oriental lover of cinematic yesteryear. More butch than the silent-screen god Valentino (best known for playing the Sheikh, an Arab rather than a Persian heartbreaker), Gyllenhaal instead follows—and runs and leaps—in the robustly muscular and acrobatic tradition of Douglas Fairbanks, the silent film star whose West Asian exploits were aggressively masculine. Granted, the resurrection of a sexpot West Asian hero (even one played by a non-Persian actor) might not seem like progress. But given the strained relations between the US and Iran, it’s a representation worth noting, particularly since Dastan’s worth is finally measured by his more peaceable actions.

This topical hook doesn’t sink very deep, admittedly; like a lot of action flicks, Prince of Persia exploits the headlines for familiar genre high jinks. Dastan hooks up with a pouty princess (an unfortunate Gemma Arterton) and engages in some funny business with a shady wise-cracking sheikh (Alfred Molina, fortunately). Ben Kingsley shows up as Basil Rathbone, or rather Nizam, the king’s silky, suspicious brother.

Shot in Morocco and in Pinewood Studios in the UK, the film is crammed with swirling sand, milling crowds, computer-generated cities and assorted narrative bits and pieces, some borrowed from the studio playbook (everyone speaks in a British accent), others recycled from the video-game series by Jordan Mechner, who has a story credit.

The movie’s video-game roots are most evident in the mechanized feel of many of the whiplash camera movements, which sharply zig and zag as if created by algorithms. Considering that he made the move from the art house to the blockbuster a few years ago with Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Newell surely knew what he was getting into when he signed on with the producer Jerry Bruckheimer. Save for Michael Bay, who parted company with Bruckheimer a while ago, no director ever gets to put his own fingerprints on a Bruckheimer production. As usual, the talent in Prince of Persia is generally top-notch—from the cinematographer John Seale to the parkour expert David Belle—but the ingredients have been masticated so heavily the results are mush.

For the most part this is perfectly painless mush. The movie is irrepressibly silly—what were you expecting?—but a few hours of Gyllenhaal jumping around in leather and fluttering his long lashes has its dumb-fun appeal, as does the sight of Molina planting a kiss on an ostrich in a big-screen spectacle that’s as much indebted to newfangled technologies as to old-fashioned Hollywood narrative strategies.

If nothing else, it’s entertaining to think about how this mash-up of ancient Persian heroics and headline news might sit with the Iranian powers that be. In March 2009, a spokesman for the Iranian president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, demanded an apology from Hollywood for “insults and accusations against the Iranian nation" over the last 30 years. Clearly, they had no idea they were about to be Bruckheimer-ed.


Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time released in theatres on Friday.