Active Stocks
Thu Mar 28 2024 15:59:33
  1. Tata Steel share price
  2. 155.90 2.00%
  1. ICICI Bank share price
  2. 1,095.75 1.08%
  1. HDFC Bank share price
  2. 1,448.20 0.52%
  1. ITC share price
  2. 428.55 0.13%
  1. Power Grid Corporation Of India share price
  2. 277.05 2.21%
Business News/ Mint-lounge / Features/  Time management
BackBack

Time management

Get your child to respect your time schedule

Set a time frame in which you as a family, and she as an individual, find ways to modify her behaviourPremium
Set a time frame in which you as a family, and she as an individual, find ways to modify her behaviour

Learning curve

My daughter is 11. Her school encourages a lot of project work and self-study, searching on the Internet, etc. It gives ample time for these projects, and it is non-stressful and enjoyable. The problem is that my daughter always tells me about these projects at the last minute. Sometimes I have had to run out to buy material in the evening and sit up helping her till night.

It’s not just this. Even if she has to go for someone’s birthday, she remembers at the last minute and tells me, then we have to rush to buy a gift and get her ready for the party. I work out of home, and though my timings are flexible, I find this last-minute rush very difficult. Nothing we say has an effect. What can we do?

View Full Image

The harsher step would be to simply not come through for her sometimes. She needs to feel the heat, the consequences of her omitting to inform you—in the form of a project that is not handed in on time, or a missed birthday party.

It is understandable that you feel invested in her finishing her projects or attending a friend’s party. But steel yourself, and warn her well in advance that the next time something like this happens, you will be unable, and unwilling, to help her.

So far she seems to have got used to your being annoyed and stressed, but ultimately coming through for her. No doubt we must be there for our children in a stable and solid way, but sometimes it is also important to do what you may feel is “letting her down". You will actually be giving her an important life lesson, and that too at an early stage, when the stakes in terms of marks and grades are not so high.

Perhaps it is time, both for her and for you, to experience a few dropped marks and grades and some teacher disapproval as well. Many parents believe that whatever they do, their child couldn’t care less. You may be surprised, however—this attitude may last only as long as you provide a safety net.

My wife, a working mother, is both overworked and a poor manager of time. This is the source of quite a few arguments and fights at home, though the family elders and I are trying to be helpful and not critical. Our six-year-old son, I feel, has started disbelieving anything his mother says.

Even when he is hungry, for instance, and she says something will be ready for him in 10 minutes, he just opens a packet of biscuits or something and begins eating. He also wakes up earlier than needed because he feels the “tiffin" will not be ready in time and he will get late for the school bus. I am caught in a dilemma—I do not want to chide her in front of the child, but I feel that if she doesn’t buck up, he will not take her seriously, and may learn to be unpunctual.

Already it sounds as if your son has become overly anxious, because he feels (and experiences) that his mother will not come through for him. You are right to feel alarmed. Perhaps you need to deal with this in a two-pronged way.

One, why don’t you or one of the other elders in the house take over some of her chores, especially those related to his getting ready, eating, tiffin, etc? Your home may have traditional gender-based roles, but it seems you may need to step out of them and become the primary parent in some matters.

That having been said, however, it is also other people’s experience that a chronically late/disorganized person continues to be that way, however much help and support she/he is given. Your stepping in will definitely improve things for your child, but may not change much for your wife. Perhaps you should encourage her to seek counselling about this, not only in the context of being a “better" mother, but overall, to deal with why she is in such a state.

Many late/disorganized/ unpunctual people have various unresolved issues, ranging from not really liking what they do or are supposed to do, but not being able to recognize or acknowledge this, a mental space where they float away to as an escape from the work at hand, and many other such reasons. On top of it, when she feels everyone—even her son—is watching and labelling her, things simply get worse. A counsellor will help her identify what it is that she is avoiding or doing with so much reluctance that it makes her almost dysfunctional and causes her son to feel anxious and angry.

You use the word “chide"—it is important that parents do not chide each other in front of their children, and more important that you treat this as a problem that your wife needs to be helped to deal with, and not as recalcitrant behaviour that needs chiding. If you can also get your son to see this as something that mom needs to be helped with, it may be useful. You could set a time frame in which you as a family, and she as an individual, find ways to modify her behaviour.

Gouri Dange is the author of More ABCs of Parenting (Random House) and ABCs
of Parenting.

Also Read | Gouri’s previous Lounge columns

Unlock a world of Benefits! From insightful newsletters to real-time stock tracking, breaking news and a personalized newsfeed – it's all here, just a click away! Login Now!

Catch all the Business News, Market News, Breaking News Events and Latest News Updates on Live Mint. Download The Mint News App to get Daily Market Updates.
More Less
Published: 28 Apr 2014, 07:52 PM IST
Next Story footLogo
Recommended For You
Switch to the Mint app for fast and personalized news - Get App