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Which IPL team did your ancestors root for in 4,000 BC? Photo: Kunal Patil/Hindustan Times
Which IPL team did your ancestors root for in 4,000 BC? Photo: Kunal Patil/Hindustan Times

Mock paper

Before you know it, your children's exam questions could read like these

Dear students:

We have heard that some of you may have concerns about plans for a new patriotic syllabus to be introduced in schools next year. Please stop worrying. We have the best minds in the nation working round the clock to update your textbooks. In the meantime, to put your fears to rest, here’s a handy list of sample questions to help you prepare for next year’s exams. Happy studying!

—National Council of Educational Research and Trolling

1. In 5,000 BC was it better to travel between Delhi and Mumbai on Air Pushpaka or to drive down in your Anashva Rath? [5 marks]

2. Which was the world’s first cloned mammal?

(A) Dolly the sheep (B) Dewey the deer (C) Snuppy the dog (D) Duryodhana [5 marks]

3. How many people viewed the IPL final in 4,000 BC (Hastinapur Heroes vs Magadha Megakings) live on DivyaDrishti? [5 marks]

4. Which of these best describes your countrymen?

(A) Tortilla (B) Pita (C) Injera (D) Roti cooked just right [5 marks]

5. Who invented Friendship Day?

(A) Krishna & Sudama (B) Duryodhana & Karna (C) Rama & Sugreeva (D) Archies [5 marks]

6. List all the ways in which Romila Thapar reminds you of Surpanakha. [10 marks]

7. If in 4,000 BC your flat overlooked the Saraswati river, in which modern Indian city would it be today?

(A) Kabul (B) Thimphu (C) Yangon (D) Prayag [5 marks]

8. Which is the greatest threat facing India?

(A) China (B) Pakistan (C) Maoism (D) Aryan invasion theory [5 marks]

9. Rank these rakshasas in descending order of dangerousness:

(A) Bhasmasura (B) Hidimba (C) Kumbhakarna (D) Macaulay [5 marks]

10. Which is the best form of cardiovascular exercise?

(A) Swimming (B) Running (C) Rowing (D) Levitation [5 marks]

11. Which of these usually starts the downfall of a civilization?

(A) Valentine’s Day (B) Pubs (C) Love Jihad (D)Half Girlfriend[5 marks]

12. “We should all fight to protect freedom of expression, except when someone says something we don’t like." Discuss. [15 marks]

Sadanand Dhume is a Washington-based writer and columnist.

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