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Business News/ Opinion / Blogs/  DANCING DIVORCEE: Meanie


Not many people can stomach someone being divorced

The only way to react to people who have no compassion or respect for another person’s decisions is to not care. Photo: ThinkStock (ThinkStock)Premium
The only way to react to people who have no compassion or respect for another person’s decisions is to not care. Photo: ThinkStock

For some reason, unknown to me but perhaps part of this larger grander plan (every optimist insists there is one), I landed up in a small townish-village. I had to be here for a week and was going slightly stir-crazy. Though the place made exquisite fiery red fish curry, which I had fallen in love with, it would shut down by 7 in the evening (perhaps exhausted after making that fine piece of culinary perfection day after day). To add to this, I knew nobody here and was contemplating getting to know the wall better over seven days.

Before I resorted to chatting with the local cow, I remembered a college acquaintance or more specifically, a college-drive acquaintance (someone who I’d breeze a hello to while walking up the drive). She had gotten married, before completing her degree and had settled here, forever and ever.

A quick look-up on FB and I saw that she had that picture-perfect family. Two sons, one swarthy Indian husband and she herself, was all glowing and motherly-smiling in a designer saree.

Without thinking too much about it, I sent her a message with my number. She called chirruping sweetly. Our casual conversation after 15 years, revealed that she still pursued her dance when she got ‘free’ from family-life. I updated her on my ‘divorced’ status, job and food preferences (I was angling for an authentic home-cooked meal). We were supposed to meet the following day after she called to confirm the time.

On the phone she was lovely and gracious reacting to the D with words like ‘What matters most is that you are happy’, etc. Her call never came. A protective instinct in me stopped me from calling her back.

It took me a few days to get over the shock. Right from ungenerous thoughts about how she is a ‘nobody’ (I mean I can understand Johnny Depp standing me up) to I shouldn’t waste time on narrow-minded small people filled my head. I was so busy being indignant that I forgot to get bored.

After anger at her pettiness subsided, I felt sorry for her. If she was going to judge the world with such a prejudiced lens, imagine the number of ugly pictures she would see. I also realised (Duh!) that not many people can stomach someone being divorced.

I knew the only way to react to such people who have no compassion or respect for another person’s decisions is to not care. I wanted people whose judgement of me didn’t rest on my divorcee label. The rest were not worth it and wouldn’t last in the long run. I must confess, very uncharitably, I hoped that this woman’s sons would turn gay, marry a divorcee, become a painter of nudes, do something that wasn’t the prescribed social conduct. I really wanted a life event to upset her carefully protected cart of pseudo-morality.

Yes, I know I do sound angry and hurt but I will get over it. Meanwhile, my rhinoceros skin is growing beautifully.

Dancing Divorcee is a weekly happy, sad, funny, obnoxious blog on the misadventure called divorce. It will appear every Thursday. Arathi Menon is a dancing divorcee who also blogs, writes, tweets and repairs brands.

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Published: 23 May 2013, 03:27 PM IST
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