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Business News/ Opinion / Blogs/  DANCING DIVORCEE: The happiness of others
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DANCING DIVORCEE: The happiness of others

During the D days, I was a quiet observer who looked at happiness with jaded eyes that didn’t quite catch the sparkle

When I used to be happy, I’d ride their happiness with them, feeling as much excitement as they did. Photo: Thinkstock (Thinkstock)Premium
When I used to be happy, I’d ride their happiness with them, feeling as much excitement as they did. Photo: Thinkstock
(Thinkstock)

When I was going through the D, jealousy was a constant companion, borrowing from Shakespeare, that would mock the meat it fed on (I didn’t loose any weight though). In fact, during this time, I think this little monster would overeat and stick out its tongue at me all the time.

Sharp darts of pain would hit me like a fist to the stomach, when I saw, for instance, a couple walking down the street, looking into each other’s eyes, smiling. For all I know, they’d probably dump each other the next day, but that moment of their happiness hurt for mine was non-existent.

When a friend called telling me that she and her husband had finally invested in real estate, I quickly scanned the day’s newspapers, googled, looking for something, anything I could afford. Sadly, on my single income there was nothing, unless I went to a village far, far away and flew to work every day.

Four friends of mine also got pregnant. So in a sense while I was dividing the ‘We’ into ‘I’ they were multiplying. Two others announced their wedding. It was almost like the whole world was celebrating except me. Everybody was coming together, building families, increasing the intensity of their respective bonds, while I sat alone in a corner, sulking and snarling at my shadow.

Why doesn’t anybody post sad pictures on social networking? It’s almost like a show-off platform, ‘Look at me and my wonderful life’. I wish more people would share their sorrow there, but most of it is filled with happy smiles and these seemingly busy, interesting lives people lead. Maybe, I should have started a trend and posted pictures of myself through the different stages of divorce. My updates should have been about what exactly I thought about the Ex, what my divorce lawyer wore, why I hated certain people, etc. Instead, I ran away from these cheerful walls. I got off social networking and pretended to be too superior for it.

People around me, my peers, contemporaries, acquaintances and friends were going on holidays, buying new clothes, getting piercings, gloating about promotions, changing their Vaastu, hiring personal yoga trainers and here I was, trying to make rent.

It sucked. This jealousy I felt wasn’t mean or spiteful. It was more the pitiful kind. That weak, green-eyed monster that looked at me in the mirror and screamed, ‘Idiot’ on a regular basis.

I don’t think during that time I felt genuinely happy for anybody. My insides had been emotionally nuclear-blasted and the craters felt nothing. However, when people wanted me to come for their occasions of happiness I landed up—birthdays, anniversaries, marriages, baby showers and I wished them well, from the bottom of my heart.

It was different though. When I used to be happy, I’d ride their happiness with them, feeling as much excitement as they did. During the D days, I was a quiet observer who looked at happiness with jaded eyes that didn’t quite catch the sparkle.

Once I began rebuilding my life, the jealous pangs began losing its grip. It finally disappeared, not because I was in a phenomenally better place but because I was over the pain. Yes, that does happen. Now, the green-eyed monster resurfaces occasionally, but only for totally valid reasons—like spotting George Clooney’s latest girlfriend.

Dancing Divorcee is a weekly happy, sad, funny, obnoxious blog on the misadventure called divorce. It will appear every Thursday. Arathi Menon is a dancing divorcee who also blogs, writes, tweets and repairs brands.

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Published: 25 Apr 2013, 06:28 PM IST
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