Dear Mr. Speaker

This is the graduating class of 2012. This year all of you have stunned us with graduation speeches of exceptional quality all over India. Many of us have been touched by your inspirational words.

Usually people like you are so busy, and getting time for a frank tete-a-tete is hugely challenging.

Therefore, we relish this rare chance to give you feedback. Hello! Please keep your BlackBerry on the table, your iPad in your bag, sit up and listen boss. Focus. Come on!

Thanks.

But two weeks ago, during final placements the HR manager in your company was asking only for marksheets and exam transcripts. Some of us with very wholesome personalities did not even get short-listed because way back in class XII we went through a rebel “gangster rap" phase and got only 68% marks. Boss, if your company itself refuses to hire us, then how can we rise to our true potential as individuals?

We are disappointed.

Next, we would like to have a brief chat with you, chief executive of the major family-owned business conglomerate that has over 100 years of history. Often, we have heard you tell students that the future of India is in our hands. That if we put our minds to it we can achieve anything. That we are as good as anybody else in the world. And that all we had to do was break through the shackles that society and traditional family values put on us.

Very good indeed. Very inspiring. But then why is the post of chief executive in your group of companies hereditary? Your grandfather appointed your father. He appointed you. And now your son is preparing for future leadership positions in assorted nightclubs in Monte Carlo. What about the rest of the people in your company? How will they break the shackles of your family values?

We are disappointed.

Excuse me, where are you trying to crawl off to, you manufacturing and engineering tycoon? You are next. Please come back. You have always been the most patriotic of this lot. For you, everything is about India, India, India. A full 25% of your commencement speech is inspirational quotes from Mahatma Gandhi, Jawaharlal Nehru and other freedom fighters. And for you the most important quality you seek in a young person is sacrifice for the nation. Don’t go abroad, you say in your speeches. Stay in India. Help the nation. Forego economic gain, and strive for social justice.

Fine. We will make sacrifices within our limits. But boss, why do you keep moving your factories and investment projects from state to state based on tax cuts and incentive packages? You can also sacrifice a little bit tax for the benefit of the local region, no? Think of all the people in deprived areas whose lives you can change with your business muscle and sustained presence. Pity you are being so petty.

We are disappointed.

Namaste namaste bureaucrat-ji! Tea? Coffee? OK. Your speech about the future of India we enjoyed very much indeed. And the verses you recited from Tamil Sangam literature was very apt for the occasion. You are perhaps correct. Widespread entrepreneurship could well be the only way to create large-scale economic activity. And young entrepreneurs could possibly create the millions of jobs we need each year to employ our ‘youth dividend’. Good points. Well made.

But you forgot to mention one very important point sir. How many copies of our proposal in triplicate does your ministry need along with how much “urgency arrangement surcharge" in order to get the name of our company approved? If you tell us quickly then we can arrange for funds quickly and start our business. We were hoping you would make all this clear during the graduation speech along with the rate card. But you did not.

We are disappointed.

And finally, we have you, director of the institute. Your opening remarks on the role of business education in the future of India’s growth was illuminating and inspiring. However, why not start implementing this education right here? We have always found it amusing to go to the canteen after a lecture on cutting-edge production management techniques, only to stand in line for 20 minutes because the chappati maker is not working properly.

This is most disappointing.

But otherwise overall the class of 2012 has been truly inspired by the speeches all of you have made. We step forth into the real world fully aware of the power of public virtue and private hypocrisy.

Please wish us well.

Cubiclenama takes a weekly look at the pleasures and perils of corporate life. Your comments are welcome at cubiclenama@livemint.com

Also Read | Sidin Vadukut’s previous columns

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