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Business News/ Opinion / AIB’s new video ‘Tu Chahe’ captures the bias single women face in cities
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AIB’s new video ‘Tu Chahe’ captures the bias single women face in cities

The video features watchmen and helps who judge the women residents of a colony, but misses out on the nosy neighbours

AIB haters will be pleased to know that the video, called Tu Chahe, doesn’t feature AIB. It does feature a boy band called Watchboyz, with a special performance by Kamla bai.Premium
AIB haters will be pleased to know that the video, called Tu Chahe, doesn’t feature AIB. It does feature a boy band called Watchboyz, with a special performance by Kamla bai.

If the free world has Beyoncé and Meghan Trainor, it seems we have All India Bakchod. AIB released another video last weekend, and no, it’s not a Snapchat video. It’s actually an ode to all the single ladies in the city. And it hits the nail quite squarely on the head. If you’ve lived on your own, away from home, in a building or colony with guards and neighbours, there’s much that will speak to you in this music video.

AIB haters will be pleased to know that the video, called Tu Chahe, doesn’t feature AIB. It does feature a boy band called Watchboyz, with a special performance by Kamla bai. The Watchboyz are a band of watchmen who sit in a building called Patriarchal Heights. This is their song to all the female residents of their colony/building who’ve been judged by them—especially when they come back early in the morning from a night obviously spent with a man. When as it’s called, they do the “walk of shame". Kamla bai is a mix of Adele and Trainor, who is the bai or help in most colonies, who’s as judgmental of the women as the guards are, till she crosses over to the Dark Side and falls in love with a watchman. Only to be called awaara, badhchalan and besharam, like she used to call the single women in the colony.

This video is all sorts of brilliant. There are the over-friendly guards who drop by to check up on the nefarious activities you’re up to in your house. Or who complain to your landlord about how many late-night male visitors you have. One of the verses is:

Aur jab waqt aayega to renew your lease,

Tumhara flat owner bhi kahega,

Bitch please.

Tu chahe kisi ladke ko apni ghar bula

Tu chahe Chameli ki tarah paua chadha

Tu chahe toh khule mein lingerie sukha

Kaun hu main judge karne wala

(And when the time comes to renew your lease

Your flat owner will say,

Bitch please.

If you want to call a man over to your house

If you want to drink a quarter bottle of booze like Chameli

If you want to dry your lingerie in the open

Who am I to judge you?)

Having shifted to a gated colony around six years back, after living in buildings without guards and without inquisitive neighbours, I found much to nod my head in agreement to in this video. If you’re a single woman, everyone has an opinion about your life, especially in Delhi. (I really haven’t seen such blatant judgment against single women when I was living in Mumbai or Kolkata.)

What I did disagree with though is that the guards and handymen in a colony are more judgmental than the neighbours are. Yes, for years, one of the colony electricians refused to look me directly in the eye whenever he’d come to work in the house, maybe thinking he’d turn into a pillar of stone by looking at a single woman. But the guards are actually the most helpful and impervious to single women. Although it is true that everyone from the maali, to the guy who washes the colony cars in the morning to the neighbour’s driver, seem to know the goings-on at most houses, they know when you leave for work, when you return, when your maid’s on leave, when your friends come over, etc. They feel free to ask you, “Kal aapke ghar pe party thi? Bahut Coke cans mangaye the aapne." (Was there a party in your house yesterday? You ordered lots of Coke.)

After a point you just get used to living under 24x7 surveillance.

I do remember being a little stunned by the ladies who had come to do the Census, who had asked me why I wasn’t married and whether I was a widow or divorced. When I’d answered in the negative, they told me, “Par aap sundar ho, acche se baat karte ho, shaadi kar leni chahiye (But you are beautiful, you talk nicely, you should get married)." They’d honestly have seemed less disturbed if I said that I was divorced or a widow. Kamla bai’s character in the video is spot on. And reminds me of the colony maalishwali, who while massaging you also informs you of which madam is having an affair and which madam lives alone (which is the biggest sin possible) and how that corner wale ghar ki madam has lots of parties—and then looks most upset if told to stop gossiping.

But we should all take a feather out of Kamla bai’s cap, when she says, “If they say shit, just fight it."

The music video has been created by dating app TrulyMadly (I had no clue there was an Indian dating app, or that this was its name. The things you learn) along with AIB. And is aimed at promoting their own app. The video ends with the message—Who you date is your business. Nobody else’s. This is their second venture with AIB. I saw an earlier video called Creepy Qawwali, which was about all those wonderful creeps we meet online. Who send you, “Hi, be my frend" messages on Facebook. And had a great line, which was, “Mere creep se creepy koi creep nahi hai" (no one is creepier than my creep).

What this video has going for it, is that it’s got a very catchy tune and is sung very well. It’s also always nice to realise that people other than us realise it’s quite the sexist judgmental cesspool we have to wade through every day.

I do think the next video should be devoted to the colony busybody uncles and aunties. Why give the watchmen short shrift? They pale in comparison to your married male neighbour, who insists you call him Adi even though you’d rather refer to him as Sir. And who when he spots you getting into your car in the morning, makes it a point to say, “Had a fun Saturday night? I saw you came back at 2am." Which makes you want to bathe yourself in Ganga water and shift colonies instantly. Or Ratna from downstairs, who keeps a tab on how many parties you throw and marvels at “how do you manage to live all alone and throw so many parties? Must cost a lot of money, no?" Making it sound like you must be having a sugar daddy or indulging in some lucrative sex work on the side.

I say, give these people a music video all their own. Nothing makes us single women feel as special as our neighbours do. In the meantime, watch the video. I thought it’s great fun.

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Published: 20 Jun 2016, 01:08 PM IST
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