If you thought the days of “Sarkailo Khatiya" and “Gutur Gutur" and “Dhak Dhak Karne Laga" are behind us, think again. Something far worse is going to be unleashed on Indian cinemas soon. It seems to be the age of sex comedies. No this is nothing like the Carry On series, although I have managed to find some commonalities between the two. Just so you know exactly what Hindi cinema’s answer to sex comedies entails. On Tuesday, Pritish Nandy—erstwhile journalist and editor of repute and current day Bergman—tweeted about a song from his new magnum opus, Mastizaade. The song’s name was “Hor Naach"! Yes, read that out loudly and you’ll realize why the exclamation mark is justified.
Mastizaade’s trailer has been released at the same time as that of another film from the same genre (if you can call it that). The second film is from the house of Ekta Kapoor and is called Kyaa Kool Hai Hum 3. Yes, it’s part of a trilogy. Just like Lord Of The Rings, only instead of Tolkien, someone called Milap Zaveri is writing it.
Now I’m not easily shocked. After all, I watch reality TV for a living and have lived through the films of the 1980s and 1990s which had actors like Aamir Khan pretending to rape Madhuri Dixit in Dil, thereby making her fall in love with him. Or Amitabh Bachchan warming up a frozen and unconscious Meenakshi Sheshadri in Gangaa Jamuna Saraswati by indulging in what can only be called rape—because he has sex with her while she’s unconscious. Through the 1990s, I also saw various actors and actresses thrust their groins and heaving bosoms into each other’s faces as cinematic courtship rituals.
But none of this prepared me for what was unleashed on my senses by the trailers of Mastizaade and Kyaa Kool Hai Hum 3. Since I refuse to share the links for the trailers on aesthetic grounds—let me synopsize. Comedian Vir Das (who it seems will do anything to get his foot in the door of Bollywood) and thespian Tusshar Kapoor play Sunny Lele and Aditya Chotia who are sex addicts. Riteish Deshmukh is a Love Guru and Sunny Leone is in a double role playing “twin sex bombs". There are various scenes of thrusting breasts, masturbation and enactments of the most puerile sex jokes from Whatsapp groups. Most memorably, there’s a scene in which the two main “actors" seem to be sodomising a donkey.
In Kyaa Kool Hai Hum 3, “India’s first porn-com", Aftab Shivadasani and Tusshar Kapoor (yes, he’s acting in both films) play pornstars. There’re a bevy of actors and actresses with them, in various states of undress who make far from funny sexual jokes and gesticulate with their body parts through the trailer. The same actress Gisele is in both the films—along with other Bigg Boss contestants who I have the pleasure of recognizing since I’ve been reviewing Bigg Boss forever. The tag line of Kyaa Kool Hai Hum 3 is “Porn is coming home." There’s no bestiality in this film, because it restricts itself to only making fun of mutes and gays.
The director of Mastizaade, Zaveri is also the dialogue writer for Kyaa Kool Hai Hum 3. Mastizaade’s trailer has 2,880,907 views and Kyaa Kool Hai Hum 3’s trailer has 14,249,425 views. I must admit, shamefacedly, that I have contributed to at least five of those views.
Now I’m all for politically incorrect, risqué and even borderline slapstick films and shows such as Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Ted, Austin Powers, Family Guy, South Park and Delhi Belly. These films and shows make fun of everyone—men, women, gays, heterosexuals, amputees, the mentally challenged, all ethnicities, poor and rich alike—but they at least have more than their fair share of intelligence and humour.
The same cannot be said for these two trailers. I know I’m giving them too much credit, but they are like the poor man’s version of the Carry On series. The Carry On films which were churned out in an assembly line manner from 1958 to 1992 used the same actors, risqué humour laced with innuendoes and were made on a tight budget. Only difference? The Carry On comedies were made almost half a century back. At that time, these films were pushing the envelope. Now they just seem infantile, although far more superior to either Kyaa Kool Hai Hum 3 or Mastizaade because they have more than a modicum of humour. It’s as if Ekta Kapoor and Pritish Nandy have gone back in time, becoming the missing link we’ve been looking for.
What I have discovered after subjecting myself to the two trailers is that Tusshar Kapoor has finally found his niche. Sunny Leone, who I’m usually mighty impressed by for how she’s given herself a career and image makeover, hasn’t really managed to totally get out of her niche. Also, while Pahlaj NIhalani doesn’t think audiences can survive hearing the word “rakhail", or what seemed to be 90% of the dialogues of Angry Indian Goddesses ,or watch Daniel Craig kiss Monica Bellucci or Ranbir Kapoor kiss Deepika Padukone without wanting to ravage the next human being we see, he doesn’t seem to be very disturbed by the overt objectification of women, random homophobia and bestiality which these trailers seem to be reveling in.
These films are not just lewd, they are in terribly bad taste. I honestly don’t blame the actors for acting in them—some of them are desperate for roles and for some others it’s their first film. But what excuse do Pritish Nandy and Ekta Kapoor have for making this tripe? Absolutely none. The things we do for the love of lucre.