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Business News/ Opinion / Blogs/  DANCING DIVORCEE: Do divorcees date divorcees?
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DANCING DIVORCEE: Do divorcees date divorcees?

The person I would date doesn’t need to have the extra ammunition of being ‘divorced’

Finding someone who will match my mood and sensibilities is difficult enough without asking for the extra qualification of being ‘divorced’. Photo: ThinkStock (ThinkStock)Premium
Finding someone who will match my mood and sensibilities is difficult enough without asking for the extra qualification of being ‘divorced’. Photo: ThinkStock
(ThinkStock)

I have lost count of the number of people who have cornered me and begun a sentence with, “I know another divorcee, he is ...". Why do they presume that the person I would like to date should have also gone through a divorce? Do they want us to compare lawyer notes? Or do they think bashing-the-Ex is a delightful first date ice-breaker?

At my age, anybody I date will definitely be of an age where they have gone through the mandatory, reasonable number of heart breaks and would have had enough world experiences to hold their own, without needing to come with the extra ammunition of being ‘divorced’.

When my mother threw the umpteenth Mallu divorcee my way (I never knew she knew so many of them), in exasperation I asked her why does she think these bruised souls from the fires of failed relationships (like moi) will be a perfect partner. She rolled her eyes and said that since they too have been hurt they will be kind, compassionate and understanding.

Hasn’t everybody in the world been hurt in one way or the other? Isn’t kind, compassionate and understanding basic requirements in any partner, irrespective of their previous marital status? Who would want someone who has none of these characteristics? When I humbly submitted these logical statements to her, she wailed saying that I have no clue about how the ‘real world’ works. I think it is an unjust accusation.

It is precisely because I know the way the world works that I question these obviously stupid inferences: A divorcee can find happiness only with another divorcee. Only someone who has seen a marriage fail can understand me. I have a ‘better chance’ to find someone if I look at the ‘second marriage’ websites. Oof! On some days, I can’t shake the belief that I have woken up on the wrong planet.

Finding someone who will match my mood, my political sensibilities and my changing philosophical consciousness is difficult enough without asking for the extra qualification of being ‘divorced’. The problem is some people think that is the only qualification required to have a meaningful relationship with me.

These people forget about this little monster called love. Insidious, creeping, underhand worm it has the sly ability to get into my system without even me realising it. Then, there is no escape. The only thing I can do is eat a lot of fruit, keep myself hydrated, do a hundred and one push-ups, listen to some mushy blues, develop that slightly slow, vacant goofy stare and wait for the madness to pass. And if it doesn’t blow over, then I am in more trouble than I bargained for. Trust me, when the love bug bites, you don’t care a damn if he is divorced, bi, single or a passing traveller.

You just allow your heart to be held in his hands and hope this creature of your affection won’t drop it and break it.

Dancing Divorcee is a weekly happy, sad, funny, obnoxious blog on the misadventure called divorce. Arathi Menon is a dancing divorcee who also blogs, writes, tweets and repairs brands.

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Published: 31 Jul 2013, 04:36 PM IST
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