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Business News/ Opinion / Blogs/  DANCING DIVORCEE: Save what for a rainy day?

DANCING DIVORCEE: Save what for a rainy day?

The monsoon always makes me miss romance, especially when I don’t have it in my life

The monsoon is a time of sweetness and pain (The monsoon is a time of sweetness and pain)Premium
The monsoon is a time of sweetness and pain
(The monsoon is a time of sweetness and pain)

The monsoon always makes me miss people, or specifically makes me miss romance, especially when I don’t have it in my life.

There is something about a downpour, the pattering sounds I hear, the mist that sprays on the balcony, slightly flirting with my table top but keeping away from that fifth-hand edition of T S Eliot’s Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats, that makes me long for arms that cuddle.

For some reason I can’t seem to recall how the rains were when I was with the Ex. I wonder if I felt this longing for romance during that time of downpour or whether I was too busy fighting about who will take the clothes in. I try to remember whether the Ex and I quarrelled more during the monsoons and wasted the weather. No memory surfaces. Maybe, it has been washed clean.

The smell of earth when it has been touched by raindrops for the first time has been eulogised enough without me adding my two-bit to it. A friend of mine even claims that the person who could bottle this smell would make a fortune. My naturally sceptical self wonders how many women would like to smell like damp earth. However, I can’t deny the magic it brings. That musky intoxicating essence, which makes me feel like life is worth it, every drop of it, scars et al.

I sometimes go for a walk, with an umbrella and gumboots. I love how the wind blows me forward on the footpath. It whistles in my ears, musses with my hair and makes me feel so joyful that I would sing, if I could.

I feel like someone in a book and then I see a couple holding on to each other tightly so that they don’t get blown off, laughing at the wind, and that slow ache surfaces again, bringing tears to my eyes, which nobody notices. There’s too much water around.

I like eating panipuri and ice cream in this weather. A flooding of the insides to compete with the outside. Once, when I was stuffing a particularly large golgappa as the clouds burst at their seams, I spotted the Ex, across the road doing the same. We briefly acknowledged each other. I couldn’t help grinning, here was a man who swore by hot pakodas. Some time ago, in the distant past, he had thought that having anything cold when the earth flooded herself was behaviour that was worthy of being certifiable. Living with someone does that. We take on habits and become a little more like each other. Then one day, the habits stay back and the person goes.

The monsoon is a time of sweetness and pain. For me, no other season seems so beautiful and makes me feel so grateful to be alive. And it is perhaps the only time I feel that cuddling myself just isn’t enough. On those windy, stormy days, where the world looks like a grey canvas of washed colours, I long for arms that will hold me. Just for one rainfall.

Dancing Divorcee is a weekly happy, sad, funny, obnoxious blog on the misadventure called divorce. It will appear every Thursday. Arathi Menon is a dancing divorcee who also blogs, writes, tweets and repairs brands.

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Published: 20 Jun 2013, 01:59 PM IST
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