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Business News/ Opinion / Blogs/  DANCING DIVORCEE: The settling of skies
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DANCING DIVORCEE: The settling of skies

Feeling sad isn’t just sad, it is exhausting

Every time I looked up at the sky, it seemed to be going through its own mood swings, which surprisingly coincided with mine. Photo: ThinkStock (ThinkStock )Premium
Every time I looked up at the sky, it seemed to be going through its own mood swings, which surprisingly coincided with mine. Photo: ThinkStock
(ThinkStock )

A long time ago I used to gaze at the moon and the skies. My head, every evening would be slightly tilted at an angle watching the world above. This involved walking with a certain amount of tripping, not the illegal substance kind but the clumsy one that results in scabby knees. One day I stopped. I forgot about it. I didn’t miss it because there was no memory to miss.

Time passed. Seasons slaughtered themselves, I didn’t notice anything about the world except what I was going through. Sorrow can be a time-consuming preoccupation. Every time I looked up at the sky, it seemed to be going through its own mood swings, which surprisingly coincided with mine. The clouds spelt out the whos, whys, ifs, whens and hows. On clear days, the nothingness of the blue enveloped me and being in limbo took a different hue.

Feeling sad isn’t just sad, it is exhausting. More than running the full marathon or arguing with your mother why living the life you want isn’t done as a personal vendetta against her or deciding a dish from one of those fifty page menus, which boast of Chinese, Continental and Indian (all in fiery orange).

If I was the monarch of the world, I would pass a decree that all divorcees or make that all human beings should go for a mandatory half to one hour walk, jog or exercise six times a week, no matter how tired they were feeling. I know I won’t win any Miss World titles for this answer but the god of exercise is not worshipped enough.

I started doing it accidentally. One day, out of the blue I decided to walk home from work. It was a beautiful route full of buildings older than my great grandfather and trees, which had an urban wiriness, that sparse charcoal sketch with leaves.

As I walked, I watched the world pass-by. Time slowed down like a montage in those movies you wish you had shot. By the time I reached home, I was drenched in sweat and I had to wash it off by drenching myself with water. Water Vs Water.

I stepped out of the bathroom and the endorphins began their work, furiously generating happiness bubbles, in which I could eat my dinner. This red-cheek glow of wellness lasts for about two hours before the questions cautiously, vindictively peep their head out into the open again.

Two years down the line, the questions are gone, I’m fitter, the money saved on taxi fare can actually buy me a holiday to a place I have never been.

The ultimate test of recovery is when I look at the skies. They look back at me in their natural glory. The colours of the sunset splash with the giddy-headed abandon of a paint spill, the clouds don’t look like stories from my life but abstract, drifting forms of art, which inspire philosophical musings and the clear blues makes my heart burst into song.

Walk and the skies will settle.

Dancing Divorcee is a weekly happy, sad, funny, obnoxious blog on the misadventure called divorce. It will appear every Thursday. Arathi Menon is a dancing divorcee who also blogs, writes, tweets and repairs brands.

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Published: 25 Jul 2013, 12:56 PM IST
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