At the start of Haiwaan, Shyam (Saif Ali Khan) boards a ferry, teases a man who owes him money, sings and plays guitar. If it wasn't for his dark glasses and cane, it would be hard to tell he’s blind—indeed, it’s a running conspiracy theory through Priyadarshan’s film that he’s only pretending he can’t see. Shyam has heightened senses of sound, touch, taste and smell, which provide him an uncanny mental picture of the world around him. But when his sister tearfully asks for his blessings, he responds after a few seconds and doesn’t realise that she’s left. He’s left patting the air around him while violins play sadly on the soundtrack.
It's this scene, more than anything else, that soured me on Haiwaan. The whole point of the film is Shyam’s high-functioning ability despite his blindness, to the extent that we might believe he’s capable of taking on a serial killer singlehandedly. But Priyadarshan and cowriters Rohan Shankar and Abilash Nair, having shown us ad nauseum how self-sufficient and impressive Shyam is, throw it all away for a weepy scene that has no bearing on the film or how we feel about the character.
Shyam is the caretaker of a Mumbai high-rise. Everyone there likes him, but he’s especially close to retired judge Pradhan (Boman Irani). When the former Chief Justice asks for his company on a trip, Shyam immediately agrees. The getaway is ostensibly so Pradhan can get a big secret off his chest. But mostly, it’s a chance to change the scenery (they drive to a hill station) and waste another 15 minutes of the audience’s time. Like so much in the film, it’s a pointless detour, the kind of filler you have to cook up if you’re a 110-minute film that’s inexplicably 164 minutes.
The first 40 or so minutes of Haiwaan are so dull that I was relieved when Akshay Kumar’s Parshuram turns up and starts murdering people. Years ago, Pradhan had sentenced Parshuram to seven years in prison on rape charges, even though he suspected the man was innocent. While Parshuram is serving time, his entire family dies in a murder-suicide. Now he’s out, his time away including a stint in a mental institute, and is taking revenge on everyone who wronged him, killing them and their families. At the top of his list is the judge—and his secret daughter, Nandini (Pahal Chaudhary), stashed away in a missionary school, who knows Shyam as a kindly visitor but has never met Pradhan.
For a while I assumed Parshuram would turn out to be more than a straightforward psycho—that there would be a turn that’d reveal why Akshay Kumar is in the role and not, say, Abhishek Banerjee (no knock on Banerjee, a vastly skilled actor who’s always playing nutcases). But Parshuram is simply a remorseless killer, without nuance. It doesn’t help that Kumar is ridiculous when he acts unhinged, and boring when he’s a dour murderer. Virtuous Shyam might have been a better fit for him, and although Saif Ali Khan is a reasonably convincing blind man, he’d certainly do a more entertaining job with Parshuram.
Priyadarshan remains a busy director in his 60s, with nine films in the past 10 years. This pace is revealing. Once a filmmaker with considerable style, he now churns them out, moving across genres and industries. Haiwaan is a little better than Bhoot Bangla, his horror comedy from earlier this year, also starring Kumar. There’s some attention to shot-making and composition, and a competent (if misdirected) cast. But his methods are showing their age. Cross-cutting between a wedding function and Parshuram murdering someone in the building is a disastrous decision. The comedy tracks for Asrani, Rajpal Yadav and Sharib Hashmi as a dense cop feel dated. So do the swings between psychological thriller, teary family drama, badly lit action and unfunny slapstick.
Early in the film, a violent boor is harassing his ex, Naina (Shriya Pilgaonkar), at the building entrance, and is sent on his way by Shyam. An hour an a half later, this man reappears as a cop and tries to beat a confession out of Shyam, who's somehow become a prime murder suspect. Meanwhile, Naina is dragged in to give false testimony in order to save her petty thief brother. It all culminates in Shyam taking out half a dozen cops with his wrestling skills. So many wasted scenes, so many subplots and needless characters, for a bit of action no one will remember next week. Commercial cinema in this country needs a runtime intervention. We’re resigned to terrible films and terribly long films, but there should be some protection against long terrible films.
‘Haiwaan’ is in theatres.
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