A few hours after Asha Bhosle’s death last month, actor Sachin Pilgaonkar posted an Instagram tribute: a photograph of a smiling Bhosle surrounded by Pilgaonkar’s family, a heartwarming caption recalling how his mother once shared recording spaces with her, and on further swipe, a grainy picture of the two artists singing a duet. But look closer, and the post doesn’t just mourn the legendary singer; it also establishes proximity to her.
“It was almost on an impulse that I shared these pictures,” he says. “I wanted people to know what she meant to me. Instagram seemed like the perfect platform to engage with a larger audience, and participate in this kind of public mourning.”
Though the post is rooted in emotion, it is also reflective of how grieving on social media today is all about visibility, proximity and immediacy. Pilgaonkar is not the only one. Kamal Hasan uploaded a visual montage from Chachi 420 capturing moments of their collaboration within hours of her passing. Akshay Kumar’s visual tribute was posted much earlier than Hasan’s. Sanjay Dutt’s post said he once “had the honour of sharing a song with her” alongside an archival picture of the duo in a recording studio. In each post, Bhosle was not just remembered. The mourner too was a part of that remembrance.
What is more telling is the shrinking timeline between learning about death and announcing one’s closeness to the deceased online. The immediate response for many is to mourn later but curate first—browse through one’s picture gallery, select a stand-out image, write a thoughtful caption, and establish a relationship (professional, personal or both).
In earlier days, tributes were expressed through a network of phone calls and newspaper obituaries. Grief travelled rather slowly. Today, it is almost immediate.
Social media can externalise grief, thus reframing its pace and structure, says Sharin John, co-founder and counselling psychologist at Mumbai-based Samvaad Mental Health Services. “What is usually a slow, inward process can then become fast and outward.”
Research by Najma Akhther, who wrote a paper titled Global Mediatized Death and Emotion and studied digital responses to Stephen Hawking’s death in 2018 found that early posts were typically short, emotional reactions such as ‘I can’t believe he’s gone’ or ‘Such an incredible mind’, serving as rapid emotional broadcasts. “Many tweets appeared within minutes of the news breaking,” she says. “Users frequently mentioned waking up to the announcement or seeing it ‘just now’, which conveyed a sense of urgency.”
This speed is deliberate. Her findings suggested that posting immediately signalled “emotional presence and social awareness.” They also indicated personal connection. Even when users had never met Hawking, many conveyed a perceived personal connection with a distant public figure. “In more recent cases, particularly involving film or pop culture figures, we increasingly see self-centred visual framing such as selfies.”
This shift reflects platform behaviour: as visual content, placing the mourner alongside the deceased gains virality, platforms reward engagement and timing. Take Parineeti Chopra’s post—a group picture featuring Rekha, Alka Yagnik and Bhosle. The image does not establish an immediate personal bond with the singer, but a bond nonetheless. These images are central to the narrative of visual mourning, still carrying the weight of the eulogy.
This is now spilling over on professional social platforms such as LinkedIn. Film marketer and trade analyst, Saurabh Varma posted a tribute in the aftermath of Dharmendra’s death: a personal photograph of him alongside “Dharmji” and Hema Malini accompanied by a reflective caption hinting at a pre-existing professional association. He explains the choice pragmatically. “The only other option would have been to use a picture from Google, but I was keen on making the post personal,” he says. “You use a picture that no one has.”
In a crowded digital space, particularly during moments of public mourning, the picture, even if remotely personal, creates distinction. “It signals authenticity and subtly, even access, letting others know how I knew him,” he says.
Dr Korina Giaxoglou, author of A Narrative Approach to Social Media Mourning, and a lecturer at UK’s The Open University, says that people share mourning posts “out of a felt need to be a part of the mourning community.” She says, “By joining in the public mourning, they position themselves as rightful members of that celebrity’s fandom community... There are no set norms for who can mourn, how and when,” she says. Centering oneself in a grief post, says John, does not necessarily mean attention-seeking. “It can also reflect a need for meaning-making.”
There is another side to this: Sharing an image often invites likes, comments and validation. “When grief becomes too public, the timeline of grief can feel altered. There can be a pressure to share quickly, post updates, explain how you’re coping,” says John. When grief is expressed primarily to be seen, it can lead to emotional comparison or feeling the need to acknowledge the loss publicly to show care. This, she says, can create “a social validation dynamic”, wherein the expectation to post exists even before one has processed the loss.
Bengaluru-based employer brand marketer Pallavi Dutta shares a different perspective. After attending a reunion where she and her former colleagues remembered adman Piyush Pandey after his death last year, she felt she was “ready” to write her tribute. “I was not planning to be socially correct or post immediately. The tribute was for myself, almost like a keepsake.” She adds, “When we look for a selfie or write a note, it’s our way of holding on to a memory and making it visible.” Despite the delay, her social media tribute too was accompanied with evidence of the impact he had on her.
What was once private is now public. Grieving has become more immediate, visible and framed by platform ideologies, audience expectations and personal memory—and the mourner is part of that narrative. While grief on social media still mourns the dead, it is also increasingly defined by who is seen mourning and how.
Viren Naidu is a Mumbai-based independent journalist focused on deeply reported stories about gender, politics, culture and social justice in South Asia.