Rest is more than sleep: Why so many adults feel emotionally drained

A 42-year-old client says she feels emotionally wiped out. “It feels like everything in life demands my energy and requires my involvement. I’m constantly managing something at work or at home. No matter how well I eat, exercise, or even after I get 8 hours of sleep, this feeling lingers.”

While she seemed to be ticking all the boxes for physical rest, I wondered if what was missing was emotional nourishment. As we explored this together, what unfolded was that she had paused all the activities that allowed her to experience satisfaction and presence, such as painting and going for treks.

This is a pattern that I see in therapy where clients describe feeling emotionally off-centre and exhausted, despite resting, and at other times experiencing a sense of malaise. While many different reasons can contribute to this, I feel we need emotional nourishment, which is actually part of rest.

While getting 6-8 hours of sleep, eating healthy nutritious meals, and exercising is important, it’s not enough. Our definition of rest is very one-dimensional and oversimplified. We do need to acknowledge that older definitions of rest may not be sufficient, hence we must recontextualise and redefine what rest includes based on our needs.

For years, I’ve heard clients say they “rested” over the weekend by spending hours in front of a screen—watching shows or scrolling on their phones. Yet despite doing “nothing”, they still end up feeling disconnected, lethargic and sad. This can leave people feeling frustrated and stuck in a state of learned helplessness.

Another unhealthy belief our culture reinforces is that adulthood is supposed to feel exhausting all the time. Social media is flooded with posts that celebrate hustle culture and normalise chronic fatigue. As we get older we recognise that our lives are filled with responsibilities. However, when we fall into a pattern of repeating this message, it normalises exhaustion.

As a 49-year-old male client said, “I feel guilty complaining of my fatigue, isn’t everyone in the same boat?” This prevents people from choosing to rest or examining what needs to change, because they assume it’s the norm. Recognising what kind of rest feels energising and restorative is important.

I have recognised that being part of immersive experiences like watching a play, a movie at a cinema hall or a performance qualifies as rest for me. At a sensory level, they allow for complete presence. A friend says being close to the mountains and nature breaks her pattern of overthinking and helps her centre herself. Often I ask clients to actively think about moments from their day-to-day life which offered them a brief pause.

I hear clients mention writing or playing an instrument yet they forget to actively make time for these rejuvenating activities. Building space for fun and play is also where rest lies. Learning a new skill, spending time with kids are some ways that I meet my need for play and curiosity.

Our days are often spent switching between work meetings, ordering groceries on apps in between calls, or prepping meals. Sometimes, we try to watch something on our phones or television while responding to emails and messages and speaking with loved ones. We forget this constant task-switching is draining.

That’s why rest often means choosing to mono-task—simple acts like walking without headphones or speaking to a friend without scrolling on your phone. There is merit in not optimising every minute and actively slowing down. There is merit in reviewing what kind of rest feels rejuvenating for you. Begin by making space on your calendar for rest in the way that your body and mind seeks.

Sonali Gupta is a Mumbai-based psychotherapist and author.