This year, focus on building your adversity quotient
Simply put, adversity quotient is the measure of your ability to go through a rough patch in life and come out without losing your mind. It has now become one of the metrics of a life well led
One often wonders if people overuse this quote by Robert H. Schuller, “Tough times never last, but tough people do”, without actually believing in it. How do you actually build that ‘toughness’, which helps you overcome challenges in life. In the past few years, psychologists have been moving away from traditional ‘intelligence’ quotients to gauge an individual’s success. Rather they are also looking at ‘adversity quotient’. This is a term coined by Dr Paul Stoltz in his book, Adversity Quotient: Turning Obstacles into Opportunities, and it seems to be all the more relevant in today’s landscape, when people are driven by despair to take extreme steps.
Simply put, adversity quotient is the measure of your ability to go through a rough patch in life and come out without losing your mind. More often than not, the road that we end up traversing is not what we envisaged or hoped for in the first place. In the society that we live in, parents point fingers at the educational system, and the world points fingers at the parents for having unrealistic expectations of their children. Be it students or working professionals, young or not-so-young, we are caught in one vicious circle of the blame game.
Swapna Nair, Chennai-based counsellor and transformation coach believes that we are not taught many practical things starting from school. “I believe in revamping our syllabus to include practical values like financial literacy, cyber safety, emotional resilience, basics of social emotional intelligence, and life skills,” she adds.
Also read: Commit to new skills for the new year
Come to think of it, I remember having a human values class during my college days, way back in the 1980s. We could just talk, interact and solve multiple issues that we young faced then. Perhaps, it is time to bring those back.
While the examination system and societal pressure are always a topic of discussion, Nishitha Ponnanna, a mother of two boys--a twenty-year-old boy and a 14-year-old--says, "We need to enter the world of our children and accept their world. Both my children are so different. While one wanted me to be around when he studied, the other expects me to make myself scarce. I believed in identifying their interests and helping them work towards that goal. I believe in having conversations that would help them see the pros and cons, especially at a time when their dreams are more aspirational than practical,” she adds.
It helps to create a gentler place not just for ourselves but for others as well. American professor and writer Brené Brown talks about the power of vulnerability in her Ted Talk. “Because when we work from the place that I believe, says, ‘I'm enough’ ... then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.”
A way that one can build resilience is by developing one’s growth mind-set. In this regard, Marilee Adams’s book, Change your questions, Change your life, would help most of us move away from a blame-driven stagnant mindset to a growth mindset by just changing the way we pose questions and bringing awareness to our thinking patterns.
Another way of cultivating a sense of long-lasting joy and happiness is by doing good and displaying kindness. This can be done by identifying the purpose to our life. This would foster wellness and help in building resilience.
Most of us have a problem-oriented approach rather than a solution-oriented approach to most of our issues. Instead of being stuck in our helplessness, we can try and look at options that are available, even it means leaving the present course of action and looking at alternate course that works. “Quitting isn’t always a sign of defeat. Highly successful people often know exactly when to give up,” states bestselling author and former professional poker player Annie Duke.
Finally, willingness to make connections, reach out for professional help despite the deep-rooted stigma in approaching a mental-health expert, will help find an alternate route when the road we are traversing in has caved in. It shows strength rather than weakness.
To reach that stage, we must take a page out of Maya Angelou's when she says, "You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them."
Chandrika R Krishnan is a Bengaluru-based writer and educationist, who likes all things beginning with a ‘T’ - talking, teaching, tales, and tea.
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First Published:10 Jan 2024, 01:00 PM IST
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