Why emotional lightness is key to better mental health

At a wedding recently, a nine-year-old asked me what a psychotherapist did.

Explaining one’s work to children is a delicate process. I said I listen to people when they feel sad, lonely or when life feels difficult. At this, the child asked, “So it’s only listening?” I said, “Using research and science backed methods, I help people listen to themselves and find hope when it goes into hiding.” The child was quiet for some time and then asked, “Do people only cry or they laugh too when they come to you?”

I was amused by how fast the child’s brain was working and her thoughtfulness and wisdom. I said, “Clients do laugh a lot, will smile shyly when sharing something good that happened and other times cry and smile together.” The girl laughed and said, “Mamma says laughter is the best medicine.” I was touched by how she beautifully wove lightness into our conversation. A career that others might find difficult, one bearing responsibility, carries a certain simplicity and lightness when viewed through a child’s eyes.

For the last couple of years, I’ve felt drawn to the idea of how children and some adults carry themselves lightly. I remember meeting a monk at a monastery who had trained for 18 years and practised for another 10 years, yet he had this ease, effortlessness and playfulness not just in his choice of words but also in his overall demeanour. When he spoke and taught meditation, there was wisdom, lightness and equanimity. In those moments I wonder if we as human beings have forgotten what it means to embody these qualities. Carrying oneself lightly doesn’t mean being silly or not taking one’s work seriously. It implies building the capacity to do life’s work with sincerity and giving it one’s all, yet carrying it gently.

Sometimes our sense of self becomes too attached to the work we do. By holding our accolades and titles too tightly, we lose buoyancy and are at the risk of becoming overly rigid. I wonder if social media also is shaping the narratives that we hold when it comes to the idea of self.

Social media can help us laugh at our mistakes and embrace imperfection yet it often glorifies the self, making it harder to show up with ease. When I see people who carry themselves lightly, they possess a gentle quality, a well-received sense of humour, and a flexibility that makes navigating conversations easy. Our openness and curiosity increase in moments when we can carry ourselves lightly, which in turn reduces defensiveness in interactions.

The older I get, the more I believe that the wisdom which truly resonates with me is articulated in simple terms that feel gentle yet deliver a punch. When I discuss this quality of lightness with clients or friends, they often fear they won’t be taken seriously or that others will exploit them. I often remind them that they need to discern when lightness appears and when they need to set guardrails. We can be firm and sincere in our approach while maintaining emotional flexibility when the situation demands it.

I have learnt that lightness can be developed and deepened as we become more mindful of how we act and show up. When I hold too tightly to disappointment or anger and overidentify with these feelings, I remind myself to observe the impact they have on my body and mind. As I do this, whether through awareness or meditation, I recognise how the emotional charge attached to it lessens.

Spending more time around children and listening to them has also helped with buoyancy. Making room for playfulness and spontaneity in my daily life—whether through dance, exercise or impromptu plans to catch a play or film—has helped create a certain ease. Our day-to-day lives offers many micro-moments for developing lightness—the trick is to pause, recognise and develop it.

Sonali Gupta is a Mumbai-based psychotherapist and author.