Are you ‘flourishing’?

In the last two years specifically, many clients have talked about wanting to build a life where they feel they are able to savour positive emotions, be present and thrive in various areas of life. As I begin to work with such clients, I see a desire to build a meaningful life. This points to the idea of “flourishing”— a concept introduced by Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology.

“Flourishing” is a term that’s intimately linked to our ideas of well-being, happiness and satisfaction but it goes deeper than any one of them. The American Psychological Association defines flourishing as “a condition denoting good mental and physical health: the state of being free from illness and distress but, more importantly, of being filled with vitality and functioning well in one’s personal and social life.” 

What is central to “flourishing” is the idea that the individual feels alive, purposeful and satisfied in relationships. Seligman talked about flourishing in the context of the PERMA model to explain its various components. PERMA stands for positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning and accomplishments. This model provides us a perspective for how each of us can work towards flourishing. Given that life is challenging, we need to remember that “flourishing” is not a state we continually experience. We may experience grief, difficult scenarios and overwhelming emotions, but our ability to come back to a state where we deal with these situations and find our way back to “flourishing” is crucial. 

Also read: Make room for joy in life

The opposite of flourishing is a state of languishing, which many clients talked about in the pandemic. It can feel like absence of vitality, inability to experience positive emotions and a belief that one is leading a very robotic life. There is a general feeling of malaise. On the other hand, when individuals are in a state of flourishing, they feel their capacity for patience, tolerance and dealing with stress is higher, and this is followed by increased resilience and openness. 

Assess where are you in terms of physical and emotional well-being. This can reflect in how well we sleep, our alertness, our energy levels and how involved we feel in our day-to-day life. Once you have a sense of this, it may be good idea to ask yourself, in the context of the PERMA model, where you stand. It’s very common for clients to report that they feel tired and wired and find it hard to experience positive emotions. The road to “flourishing” involves making room for playfulness, joy, gratitude, awe and curiosity. This needs to be followed by asking ourselves which activities and relationships allow us to feel engaged and experience a state of flow. Mindfully choosing and giving time to these activities allows us to consciously work towards “flourishing”. 

Learning to be gentle with ourselves and investing in relationships that feel nourishing contribute in a big way to our well-being. This could be friendships or relationships with a sibling, a family member or a partner. Our ability to find meaning in our life, whether it is through work, life or family, goes a long way towards impacting how we see the world. This is very closely linked to what Seligman describes as “accomplishments”. 

Also read: Don’t feel time-strapped

Our accomplishments aren’t really about the next big holiday, salary hike or promotion but instead about what guides our life. I remember a 68-year-old woman telling me, “My life’s biggest accomplishment is keeping my children safe and being there for them. Seeing them happy feels like there is meaning to my life.” Choose to pause and examine which areas you need to strengthen in your life. It’s always a good time to work on building a life that feels authentic and allows for “flourishing”. 

Sonali Gupta is a Mumbai-based clinical psychologist. She is the author of the book Anxiety: Overcome It And Live Without Fear and has a YouTube channel, Mental Health with Sonali.