Eleanor Roosevelt’s “Do one thing every day that scares you” appears ubiquitously across notebooks and calendars, quoted as a clarion call to urge everyone to step out of their comfort zone. Motivational speaker Jack Canfield says that remaining within one’s comfort zone fosters stagnant self-perceptions and perpetuates feelings of guilt and self-doubt, reinforcing the idea that personal growth requires venturing beyond familiarity.
What do we have against comfort zones? At its most fundamental, a comfort zone is a familiar psychological state where one feels like one is in control and at ease, and experiences low levels of anxiety and stress. The insistence that success and achievement hinge on venturing into a territory where life as you know it fades away seems to have become a fundamental prerequisite to goal attainment. Solo trips are often sold as a means to self-awareness and acceptance. Chris Gardner (Will Smith) from The Pursuit of Happyness and Andy Sachs (Anne Hathway) from The Devil Wears Prada remain fan favourites because of the resilience they display in embracing the unfamiliar.
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“In a neoliberal economy, productivity and continual self-improvement are emphasised as key to success,” says Melissa Brown, assistant professor of communications at Santa Clara University, US. “This shift towards a productivity-centered lifestyle, heavily mediated by technology, is reflected in our cultural narratives too. Consequently, (society at large) celebrates individuals who push beyond their boundaries, promoting a narrative that constant growth and adaptation are essential and something to be lauded.”
Broadly, this school of thought argues that individual success depends on individual willingness and merit, while overlooking the complexities of societal structures and disparities.
Feeling restless and inadequate
However, this culture perpetuates feelings of inadequacy and restlessness—which have been prevalent in the Indian context too, as Raksha Rajesh, an RCI-licensed clinical psychologist based in Mumbai explains. “Our culture has forced individuals to constantly chase unattainable goals and benchmarks, which has led to a perpetual sense of discontentment. Individuals are conditioned to believe that they must always be striving for more in order to achieve personal or professional growth,” she explains.
Sagrika (who goes by one name), a 26-year-old consultant in an accounting firm in the National Capital Region, says she has “pushed myself into the unknown territory” ever since she started working at the age of 22. She was quick to volunteer for extra work assignments even if she wasn’t familiar with what it entailed and went out of her way to meet new people and forge new relationships “because I thought that’s how it works, that’s how you grow.” However, she has just come to the realisation that “there is no prize for doing that day in and day out and ultimately, it’s my personal boundaries I’ve been pushing all the while and exhausting myself.”
Within any culture that thrives on people ignoring their limits, pushing personal boundaries has also become the norm, explains Kathryn Coduto, assistant professor of media science at Boston University’s College of Communication. “This fast-paced, always-on perception is what leads to boundary erosion in interpersonal relationships as well,” she says. Coduto goes on to explain the role that technology and digital media play in facilitating this process. “There is a feeling that everyone should be available to respond to you right away, mostly because we now know that everyone has their cell phone on or near them all of the time. But, while we expect others to respond right away, we also don’t like feeling that we are constantly accessible.”
Drishti Jaisingh, an RCI-licensed clinical psychologist based in Berlin, Germany, explains that this culture of “push your limits in order to see real results” has led to the distortion of what “progress and growth” mean. “What was growth has now been misconstrued as hustle and is leading to stress. Consequently, what people are aspiring for is not so much maturity and development but an idealised form of growth, that can lead to burnout.” The original idea behind advising someone to step out of their comfort zone was to help them try new things, but it has now become a source of anxiety and stress, she explains.
The glorification of pushing boundaries has made periods of rest, recovery and ease synonymous with stagnation. “This idea that being comfortable is a sign of stagnation leads to a greater sense of discontent within individuals,” explains Coduto. “This overall discontent translates into feelings of longing within individuals for different things and experiences, because when you are not achieving a goal, you are always in a state of wanting something else,” she says, explaining how social media narratives push people to feel dissatisfied.
Set new goals
Instead of constantly trying new things and doing more, what happens when one embraces one’s comfort zone? In a 2018 piece published in The Guardian, performance coach Melody Wilding wrote that “when we spend less time grappling with discomfort, we focus more on what matters most.”
Raksha explains that zones of familiarity and security help individuals find different, value-driven goals. “Value-driven goals (such as prioritising health or family) rather than external validation or societal expectations offer an alternative by encouraging us to focus on what truly matters to us, rather than chasing after external markers of success,” she says.
In the current discourse, there’s a strong emphasis on external achievements, like acquiring assets and getting ahead in one’s career at the expense of one’s well-being. Comfort zones, where anxiety is minimal, can actually help people build self-confidence and thrive. “Instead of constantly hustling and burning ourselves out in pursuit of someone else’s idea of success, value-driven goals invite us to slow down, reflect on our values, and pursue goals that align with who we are and what we truly care about,” says Raksha.
British author Dolly Alderton, similarly, writes that “having boundaries enables you to be truthful about how much you can comfortably extend yourself, thereby cultivating deep intimacy with the people you love”, which leads to an improvement in all interpersonal relationships.
Staying within comfort zones, resting and recovering don’t make for as appealing a story as moving beyond them to find success—but must every experience be turned into a motivational narrative? Instead of always thinking about the next goal, the next achievement, the next boundary to push, conscious thinking in comfortable zones helps us prioritise our values and gain a psychological sense of safety and security, which, in the long run, are prerequisites for individuals to become the best versions of themselves.
Devika Oberai is a psychology graduate from Delhi University, now working as a policy professional.