The hidden cost of perfectionism: How the need to excel can limit creativity and joy

I spent last week attending a meditation workshop. The five-day workshop used art as a medium to help us gain a better sense of ourselves and how we view the world.

One of the activities specifically focused on identifying a truth from our life that we hold on to very tightly. Before the activity was even assigned, a tiny critical voice in my head reminded me how I’ve always been terrible at art. This activity involved using colours, paints, and clay. I was taken aback because I generally have healthy self-esteem and feel confident; yet, the idea of using paints and clay evoked a feeling of inadequacy.

As I sat and noticed what was rising in me, I recognised that what I was experiencing was an old feeling fuelled by my own beliefs. I wasn’t very good at drawing, crafts, or sports as a child. On the other hand I loved cerebral and cognitive tasks involving language, writing, or complex information. As I grew older I focused more on tasks involving cognitive skills and stopped engaging with art or sports.

As I sat with my group to do the art activity, I realised that the pursuit of excellence had unconsciously shaped my beliefs and actions. I understood excellence as my capacity to meet the high standards I had set for myself. The external gaze didn’t matter, but I needed to feel competent and good about what I was doing. The only instruction the meditation teacher gave was to have fun and that was the most important thing.

In that moment it struck me that while I have learnt to build playfulness and light-heartedness into my life over the years, perfectionism—or what I call the need for excellence—still creeps in and prevents me from being childlike and exploring certain areas. I have felt that anything I can’t do really well is best left undone. The unhealthy preoccupation has manifested as the belief that if I can’t perform exceptionally well in a task, it’s not worth doing. Over the years, this has become a limiting belief, slowly and insidiously growing within me, showing up as rigidity at times and discomfort at other times.

I could also remind myself that my pursuit of excellence has, over the years, helped me build my capabilities and expand my capacity. At the same time, it has often discouraged me from exploring new skills or interests where I might only be moderately proficient, or from trying something simply because it seems enjoyable.

I realised I was getting in my own way. It wasn’t an easy feeling to acknowledge. Yet, it felt freeing—in that moment because I recognised that the belief I was holding as a truth could be changed, and I could give myself permission to explore. Sometimes all it takes is to name a belief that unconsciously or consciously shapes you and as you do it, you realise you drop the story that holds it . Dropping the story itself feels like freedom

There is merit in being a beginner and exploring from a place of curiosity. Over the last few years, I have gently given myself permission and even pushed myself to do activities to see what they evoke in me irrespective of how long it takes me to pick up a skill or how good I am with it.

I remember a friend, some years back, reminding me that I carry the seeds of perfectionism in me. As I sat at the retreat, trying to play with clay, I could smile and acknowledge how self-oriented perfectionism had become second nature over the years. There is a beauty in carrying oneself lightly and putting effort into activities for the sake of fun rather than excellence.

For the first time in decades, as I completed my clay activity, I realised that my anxiety and relentless pursuit of excellence had quietly faded into the background. I felt lighter, freer, and most importantly, I rediscovered the spontaneity and creativity that allowed me to create simply for the joy of it.

Sonali Gupta is a Mumbai-based psychotherapist and author.