What does it mean to be actively empathetic?

In a bustling Mumbai office, Krishna Tanna, a content writer experienced a moment of profound connection that reshaped her understanding of empathy. Struggling silently with personal issues, she was met not with questions or advice, but with a quiet, compassionate presence. Her colleague simply listened, offering a space where Tanna felt safe to express her feelings without fear of judgement. This experience was a revelation; it taught her that empathy is more than just an emotional response—it’s a deliberate act of holding space for someone else’s experience. 

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Coined by psychologist Edward B. Titchener from the German term, einfühlung, in 1909, empathy involves more than just understanding another’s feelings; it is about deeply connecting with their emotional experiences. Kratika Gupta, founder of Gen-Z Therapists, Kolkata describes empathy as “the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes, to see their world through their perspective and feel what they are feeling” . This definition highlights the dual nature of empathy—both cognitive and emotional. 

Tanu Choksi, a psychotherapist based in Mumbai, adds that this act of ‘stepping into someone else’s emotional shoes’ involves not only recognising their feelings but also feeling compassionately with them. She emphasises that empathy connects us deeply with others, enhancing our ability to support and understand each other . This connection is not just intellectual but deeply emotional, allowing us to share in others’ experiences in a meaningful way.

Neelima Sadanand, a media professional based in Bengaluru, highlights the practical aspect of empathy, which involves actively listening and being present for others. She notes that empathy is about “providing support in a way that meets the other person’s needs.” This perspective underscores empathy’s active and engaged nature, requiring more than just passive understanding.  

STRENGTHENING CONNECTIONS  

Empathy plays a vital role in both personal relationships and broader societal contexts. The benefits it proffers include: 

1. Enhancing personal relationships: Empathy allows individuals to form deeper connections, improve communication, and resolve conflicts more effectively. Choksi emphasises that empathy “enhances emotional intelligence, helping individuals navigate social interactions with greater awareness and compassion .” This is particularly important in building trust and intimacy, as understanding and sharing emotions creates a solid foundation for supportive relationships.  
2. Promoting altruism and community: Empathy extends beyond individual relationships to inspire prosocial behaviours, such as volunteering and charitable acts, which are crucial for a healthy society. Shambhavi Kumaria, a counselling psychologist based in Chandigarh, points out that empathy promotes altruistic actions and fosters a sense of community by encouraging people to help others and support societal well-being . This sense of shared humanity can lead to more cohesive and supportive communities.  
3. Reducing prejudice and enhancing inclusivity: By fostering an understanding of diverse perspectives, empathy can break down societal barriers and reduce prejudice. Gupta explains that empathy helps individuals see beyond their biases and appreciate the experiences of others, which is essential for fostering inclusivity and reducing discrimination . This understanding is crucial in creating environments where diversity is celebrated and differences are respected. 
4. Supporting mental health: Empathy is crucial in supporting mental health, both individually and collectively. It fosters environments where people feel understood and supported, reducing the stigma around mental health issues and encouraging open discussions. Choksi emphasises that empathy in mental health contexts helps individuals feel seen and validated, which is crucial for healing and personal growth. 
   
   BUILDING AWARENESS 
   Cultivating empathy is an ongoing process that involves deliberate practice and self-awareness. Fostering it includes the components of:  
5. Active listening and mindfulness: Active listening is a foundational skill for empathy. It involves fully engaging with the speaker, without interruption or judgement, which helps in understanding their emotions and experiences. Mindfulness enhances this by helping individuals stay present and attuned to their own and others’ emotional states.  
6. Self-awareness and emotional reflection: Understanding and managing one’s own emotions are critical for developing empathy. Not only does this self-reflection help regulate one’s emotions, it also helps in identifying personal biases and improving one’s capacity to empathise authentically. 
    

BOUNDARIES ARE IMPORTANT

While empathy is a powerful tool for building connections and promoting social harmony, it is not without its challenges. Highly empathetic individuals often struggle with emotional overwhelm and burnout. Setting boundaries is essential to maintain emotional well-being. Sadanand discusses the challenge of balancing empathy with self-care, stressing the importance of not sacrificing one’s own well-being for others . Gupta notes that empathetic individuals often feel physically and emotionally drained, highlighting the importance of recognizing these challenges and addressing them proactively. 

Kumaria says that empaths need to learn how to protect their emotional well-being through practices like therapy, mindfulness and setting clear personal boundaries. “Maintaining a balance between empathy and self-care is crucial for sustaining one’s capacity to empathise without succumbing to emotional burnout,” she notes. 

In a world often marked by division and misunderstanding, empathy is not just a personal virtue but a societal necessity. It fosters deeper understanding and compassion, crucial for building resilient personal relationships and cohesive communities. By developing empathy, we enhance our emotional intelligence and contribute to a more compassionate and inclusive world. 

FORMS OF EMPATHY

1. Cognitive Empathy:  It involves understanding another person’s mental state and thoughts. It is intellectual empathy that helps navigate complex social situations and avoid misunderstandings. Kratika Gupta explains that cognitive empathy allows us to engage in active listening, understand different perspectives during conflicts, and offer thoughtful responses based on understanding the other person’s viewpoint . 
2. Affective Empathy: This is about sharing and resonating with the emotions of others. Shambhavi Kumaria describes it as “mimicking their emotional responses,” which can include feeling joy, sadness, or distress in tandem with someone else . Choksi further elaborates that affective empathy allows us to connect deeply with others’ emotions, providing comfort and support during times of distress. This emotional resonance is crucial in building strong, empathetic relationships. 
3. Somatic Empathy: This involves experiencing physical sensations in response to others’ emotional states. Gupta describes it as “feeling physical sensations in response to another’s experiences,” such as feeling queasy when seeing someone in pain . This form of empathy underscores the interconnectedness of our physical and emotional states, highlighting how deeply we can be affected by others’ experiences. 

Divya Naik is a Mumbai-based journalist and writer.

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