Love passing judgements on people? Here's why it’s time to quiet your inner critic
Today, everyone's constantly judging everyone else. This behaviour that often stems from insecurity can deepen our sense of isolation. Experts share how awareness and empathy can help us change that
Judgment is deeply ingrained in all of us, and we have all experienced it, often over the smallest things. It can take many forms. Cultural practices, for instance, can draw criticism. Consider New York City mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani eating food with his hands and the debates it has spawned about what being ‘civilized’ means. Beauty standards are another source of scrutiny. Actor Janhvi Kapoor recently spoke on the chat show Two Much about the speculations she faces, saying, “I just wish these beauty standards, more than anything, were rid of judgment." Body shape is judged as well as actor Kate Winslet recalled, “I was bullied by the media in my twenties … for being all sorts of different shapes and sizes." Even mental health is not immune. French football star Kylian Mbappé explained that fear of judgement makes top athletes reluctant to discuss their emotional struggles: “You're not supposed to show it."
Judgment, we tell ourselves, is just part of human instinct. In fact, research suggests it takes just one-tenth of a second to form an impression of someone’s trustworthiness based on their face alone. But beyond that initial spark, our internal commentary runs wild. “Not my vibe," “So dumb," “Too loud," “Too into herself." These snap assessments – about people’s appearance, behaviour, beliefs, or even their mere presence – have become the background noise of our daily lives.
Take Kamna Lal, a 30-year-old software engineer in Mumbai, who says she draws hard lines in her relationships. “I can’t be friends with anyone whose political views differ from mine. The moment that comes up, they are out of my circle," she says. Twenty-year-old Aravind Rao, a management trainee, admits to judging people for being too religious. “I am spiritually inclined, but rituals? That’s just not intelligent to me. I don’t relate to those people."
It is easy to dismiss these attitudes as personal preferences. But what happens when judgment becomes our default setting? Experts say this mental reflex can harden into emotional distance and limit our capacity for empathy. In How to Stop Being Judgmental and Needy, David A Hunter writes that harsh judgement pushes people away, reinforces dissatisfaction, and feeds a cycle of blame and disconnection. Over time, it can sabotage happiness and deepen our sense of isolation.
London-based author and coach Rohini Rathour likens this pattern to a heavy metaphorical backpack we all carry, one that is filled with beliefs, biases, values, and personal experiences shaping how we interpret the world. “Judging, at its core, is a tool for navigating uncertainty," she says. “But it becomes harmful when it turns into indictment, when we blame, belittle, or criticize those who differ from us." Sita Nanjaraj, a psychotherapist based in Bengaluru, encourages a shift in perspective. “Ask questions before making assumptions," she advises. “Curiosity allows space for complexity and nuance. Empathy begins when we consider that people are likely carrying struggles we can’t see." The first step, according to Rathour, is awareness.
TAP INTO YOUR SENSE OF EMPATHY
“The best way to avoid being judgemental is to become aware that it exists. Notice when judgement bubbles up inside you. Get curious. Explore what lies beneath that particular judgment. Which of your beliefs, values or perceptions is it tapping into? Next, imagine you are the person whom you are judging, and examine that same situation from their point of view. How does that feel? Does it change how you feel or your perception? This is at the core of empathy. It is an acceptance that although everyone’s lived-in experience is unique to them, we each have the ability to glimpse into someone else’s life through the power of an open mind."
Rathour also draws a useful distinction between judgment and discernment. The latter allows us to evaluate situations and set boundaries without condemning others. Discernment empowers us to choose what aligns with our values without falling into the trap of self-righteousness.
In the age of artificial intelligence, where technology often mimics human tasks, emotional presence remains a frontier yet to be fully crossed. Perhaps that is why a new Indian app called What’s The Matter, Friend (WTMF), built by Hyderabad-based developers Kruthivarsh Koduru and Shreyak Singh, has been marketed as India’s first ‘emotionally available AI’. According to Singh, Gen Z are almost always online yet often feel alone, and AI apps fill the gap of needing a non-judgemental listener. “A lot of young people hesitate talking to family or friends," Singh said. “They are afraid of being judged."
However, dependency on AI for such support has to be examined carefully. Vaile Wright, PhD, senior director of health care innovation at the American Psychological Association, in a recent interview with WebMd cautioned to approach this technology with caution. As she remarked: “The risk is really that the intended use may not be to address your emotional well-being. That might be a byproduct, but that isn't what the coders and the developers are intending you to do. They're intending to keep you on the platform as long as possible by being unconditionally validating and overly appealing to the point where they basically will just tell you whatever you want to hear." The challenge with that is it has the potential to reinforce unhelpful and maybe even harmful thoughts and behaviours.
By all means then, it would be more significant if we develop empathy and understanding for our fellow human beings. And, if we can, to remember what the French poet and philosopher Paul Valery once said: “Our judgments judge us, and nothing reveals us, exposes our weaknesses, more ingeniously than the attitude of pronouncing upon our fellows."
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