The trouble with ‘good vibes only’ spirituality

Across social media, this aesthetic of serenity is everywhere: yoga poses bathed in golden light, affirmations scripted over pastel skies, influencers preaching self-love and boundaries. What was once the language of spiritual growth has turned into the grammar of emotional avoidance. Psychologists call it “spiritual bypassing" which is the tendency to use spiritual ideas and wellness rituals to sidestep painful emotions such as grief, anger, or guilt.

“Spiritual bypassing is what happens when relief gets mistaken for resolution," says Dr Aman Bhonsle, a psychotherapist and author based in Mumbai. In a world trained to expect instant deliveries and dopamine hits, now turbocharged by AI and algorithmic self-help, people have come to expect instant transcendence too. Bhonsle says, “Pain feels endless. Grief threatens our sense of being good people. Anger risks exile from polite society. So we trade the raw work of feeling for the polished performance of ‘vibrations’ and ‘alignment’."

TOXIC POSITIVITY WITH A HALO

For Anshuma Kshetrapal, a Delhi-based psychotherapist and dance movement therapist, spiritual bypassing is more than a defence mechanism, it’s a moralized form of denial. “Defense mechanisms come from wisdom," she says. “They protect us when we’re not yet ready to face our pain. But spiritual bypassing sanctions avoidance. It says, ‘You can simply not feel this, and you’ll even look evolved for it.’" The danger, Kshetrapal adds, is that such pseudo-spirituality replaces depth with a sense of superiority. “It attaches itself to morality where people start believing they’re spiritually superior because they don’t ‘indulge’ in negative emotions," she explains. “But what they’re really doing is outsourcing pain to a guru, an algorithm or a quote on Instagram."

Over time, this creates what she calls emotional fragmentation. “You wake up every morning and chop off parts of yourself —your grief, your anger, your guilt — just to stay ‘positive.’ You tell yourself you’re vibrating higher, but what you’re really doing is amputating your emotional range."

Her therapy room often becomes the place where these fragments return. Sometimes, it’s dramatic — the panic attack that seems to come out of nowhere, or the chronic pain that no doctor can diagnose. Other times, it’s more subtle. For instance, Megha Tanna, a 30-year- old freelance writer based in Mumbai has a manifestation board pinned above her desk made of pictures of exotic holidays, luxury apartments, and affirmations about abundance. But in real life, she refuses to apply to any job that challenges her abilities because “the people seem negative" or the “vibe feels off." Tanna wants to attract wealth but doesn’t want discomfort; she wants a bigger life without taking a single risk. As Kshetrapal puts it, “This is spiritual gyaan used as insulation. It feels safe, but it keeps you small."

The explosion of online wellness content has further blurred the line between guidance and performance. “Healing has become content," says Mehr Lungani, counselling psychologist and founder of Chaos to Cosmos, Delhi. For Lungani, genuine spirituality changes how you live, not just how you talk. “It humbles you. It grounds you. It makes you accountable," she says. “It’s not always pretty or peaceful and sometimes it’s sitting in grief, admitting you were wrong, forgiving someone you’ve hated.

Lungani sees many young clients caught between cynicism and craving who are disillusioned by organized religion, yet desperate for meaning. “Gen Z is navigating a hyperconnected yet emotionally isolating world. You scroll past a genocide and a pop album in the same minute. ‘Manifesting’ feels like control in a world that feels uncontrollable," Lungani says. “For many, spirituality becomes both comfort and compass, but without psychological depth, it turns into a coping mechanism dressed as clarity." Bhonsle likens it to “living in a house that’s been sprayed with air freshener to mask something rotting beneath the floorboards." “It smells divine: lavender, citrus, maybe even holy, but eventually what’s hidden finds its way out," he says. “Emotions like anger, grief, guilt are not obstacles to peace. They’re the signals that guide us back to integrity."

GROUNDING BEFORE TRANSCENDENCE

Anubha Doshi, a mindfulness-based psychotherapist from Pune, offers a bridge between Eastern philosophy and neuroscience. Her work draws from mindfulness-based stress reduction and trauma-sensitive meditation, blending Indian Vedantic concepts with Western psychology. “Before you do manifestation or chakra work, you must learn to sit with your emotions," she says. “Contain them, hold them, name them. That’s the essence of mindfulness: being with what is rather than escaping into what should be."

Doshi is wary of spirituality that promises transcendence without grounding. “People think they can ‘heal’ by opening chakras or attending moon circles. But without psychological integration, it’s like opening electrical circuits without wiring. You’ll get burned," she says noting that therapy is slow, unglamorous work. “It takes discipline, humility, and years of showing up. That’s genuine healing. Anything else is spiritual consumerism."

What, then, does authentic spirituality look like? “True spiritual resilience," Prasad says, “is not the absence of pain but the ability to sit with it, to stay grounded in both the known and the unknown." Kshetrapal agrees: “Growth is about integration. It’s when your mind, body, and emotions can all be in conversation. When you stop outsourcing your truth to an app, a guru, or a trend." In a world that trades pain for polish and depth for dopamine, perhaps the most radical act of healing is to descend into one’s shadows, one’s truth. Because light, after all, means nothing without the dark that defines it.

USE SPIRITUALITY TO HEAL FROM THE INSIDE OUT

Psychologists Dr Aman Bhonsle and Anshuma Kshetrapal share tips on how to sift through what’s real and what’s superfluous guidance.

Know when a healer is fine and when they’re a red flag. Bhonsle says, “If a guru or healer makes you dependent on them, run. Healing should return youto yourself, not outsource your power."

Beware of “vibe talk" that replaces accountability. Kshetrapal notes that phrases like “your energy doesn’t align with mine" or “I’m releasing negativity" can become spiritualised defensiveness. Ask yourself: Am I setting a boundary, or am I avoiding responsibility?

Engage in practices that actually help (that the therapists use themselves). This includes journalling and somatic grounding. While journalling, write down the emotion you’re avoiding and what it’s protecting you from.As for somatic grounding, do this: Take five slow breaths. Notice your feet on the floor. Place a hand on your chest or stomach. Do “Parts work" check-ins. A protocol that is inspired by IFS (Internal Family Systems therapy), it involves you asking questions like: “Which part of me is hurt?" “Which part is trying to escape through positivity?"

As a simple rule of thumb, Dr Bhonsle says, “If your spirituality makes you more honest with yourself, it’s real. If it makes you more avoidant, it’s bypassing."

Divya Naik is an independent writer based in Mumbai.