What if your resolution for 2026 was simply to be kinder to yourself?

As every year comes to an end, the term ‘resolution’ becomes a buzzword filling party conversations, social media posts and journal feeds. Thoughts turn reflective as people assess the goals they set for themselves at the start of the year and analyse what was achieved, what was left wayside and what still feels unfinished. In this process of looking back, many tend to be rather unkind to themselves, often equating missed targets with failure.

This sense of inadequacy is quite normal, believe mental health specialists, as from a young age, most of us are conditioned to measure self-worth through goals and performance. Deepti Chandy, therapist & COO at the counselling association Anna Chandy & Associates, points out that good marks, good behaviour, praise from parents or teachers become the yardsticks of validation, a conditioning that spills into adulthood as well. “Today, this pressure is amplified by cultural trends like ‘year in photos’ or ‘year in memories’, which turn reflection into a public comparison exercise,” she states and adds, “We often enter a year hoping for certain milestones, and when life unfolds differently, it’s easy to feel like we’ve fallen short.”

WHY DO RESOLUTIONS FAIL?

One of the biggest reasons resolutions fail, experts feel, is the way we define them. Says Naveen Sharma, a popular health and fitness coach, “Most people confuse goals with resolutions. This makes us think that we must start fresh on a Monday, or the first of the month, which pushes the goal further away.”

Moreover, he adds, most resolutions are outcome-based, such as losing weight, running faster, or getting fitter, rather than process-based. “The trouble,” he says, “is that we focus on the destination rather than the process that gets us there. Without a defined process, the goal gets lost in the noise of career, relationships, and everyday life.”

The key, he adds, is to keep resolutions realistic and engage ourselves in ways to get there. “The brain is designed to resist change. You have to trick it gently. Introduce small shifts that feel doable and the rest will fall in place. For instance, if you want to lose weight, a smaller process-based goal would be taking care of your food habits and working out twice or thrice a week to begin with. These changes, though small, are more sustainable in the longer run and will help you meet the larger goal without being too hard on yourself.”

GENTLE GROWTH

Not all resolutions need to be major health or career overhauls. They can be as simple and gentle as a promise to live attentively, says author Meera Ganapathy. This sensibility, somewhere, reflects in her recent book, How to Forget, a collection of fifty-five walks that observe the everyday with lyrical prose, moving through childhood, love, loss and longing across cities and timelines. “With each passing year, I find myself less obsessed with drastic changes and more in tune with acceptance. I’m not delighted with who I am, but I am much more comfortable with who I have become,” she mentions and elaborates, “This basically means having goals like learning to watercolour and returning phone calls. Nothing too intense! Just goals that focus on ways to go through life more attentively.”

For some, resolutions remain a way to challenge personal limits. Shanthala, a businesswoman and fitness enthusiast, believes in setting tangible goals that motivate consistency. “In 2025, I decided to finish a 10K run in under 60 minutes and a 5K under 30. I trained regularly, both on the treadmill and outdoors, and eventually achieved it,” she reflects. Now in 2026, her focus is on building balance between professional ambition and personal wellbeing. “Everyone works differently,” she adds. “It’s okay if resolutions don’t look the same for everyone. What matters is feeling content with how you are showing up.”

Experts too agree that staying steady, or simply showing up is meaningful progress and deserves a pat on the back. “Not all growth looks like milestones; sometimes it also looks like endurance. Reflection could sound like, ‘It was a tough year, but I held on. I showed up in the ways I could. I adapted’. When we reflect with this kind of self-compassion instead of self-judgment, the year-end becomes an opportunity for grounding, not stress,” concludes Chandy.

Deepa Natarajan Lobo is an independent journalist based in Bengaluru.