Valentine’s Day: Can sex toys enhance intimacy in your relationship?

While this points to a positive trend in the country when it comes to exploring sexual pleasure, it also makes one wonder if these toys and accessories are enabling better sexual intimacy among couples, or are they a mere crutch when nothing else seems to be working? 

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“Nothing beats physical touch," says Aili Seghetti. An intimacy coach, relationship specialist and founder of The Intimacy Curator in Mumbai, Seghetti believes that mental and emotional connection trumps everything else when it comes to taking your sex life to the next level. “Couples usually resort to toys when everything else fails," she says. Seghetti, however, isn’t entirely against using sex toys because she is aware that they can help relationships. “Sex toys can prove helpful especially when a woman is having trouble climaxing or if the man suffers from premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction," says Seghetti while recommending a wand or a massager for women and a vibrating sleeve for men.  

When it comes to experimenting with toys for couples, the advice that Anushka Gupta, co-founder of personal wellness brand My Muse, resonates with is: talk to your partner and tell him/her what you like and don’t like. 

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“You need  to be honest and open with your partner. You need to have conversations where you can unabashedly tell them, ‘I love this’, ‘I don’t like that’ or ‘I want to do more of this’. Open conversations need to happen in order to understand what gives you and your partner pleasure, says Gupta quickly adding that any new, unexplored move such as introducing sex toys in the bedroom, “should ideally be discussed with your partner."  

That sex toys would be beneficial to a couple only if the decision is mutual is advice that Delhi-based licensed clinical psychologist Dona Singh too recommends. “Happy couples go for sex toys, as much as unhappy ones," notes Singh before recalling multiple conversations she has had with clients of both genders, where “women have told me that they want to explore toys but don’t because it might make their husbands feel inadequate." Similarly, she has had husbands wanting to try products but fear their wives may view them as perverts. “Ultimately, the effectiveness of sex toys in improving a relationship boils down to the mindset of the couple," she says. 

Along with the unexpressed fear of what their partner might think, another unsaid notion related to sex toys is that a couple reaches out to them only when there’s something wrong in their relationship. 

“Sex toys have unfortunately come to be associated with this misconception, when the truth is they just add more fun and pleasure into the relationship. If you’re eating from a restaurant doesn’t mean food at home is bad, you’re just looking for change," explains Dr Tanaya Narendra, better recognised as @dr_cuterus. “Toys let you approach pleasure in a more fun way," says Narendra, who recommends the Pleasure Pod massager for women. Gupta has the last word on the topic when she says, “Opting for toys to alleviate your partner’s and your pleasure means you are being actively conscious about your intimate life. You are choosing to invest in it in terms of time and energy. You are trying to cultivate a space where you and your partner feel comfortable exploring yourself, your desires and your bodies."  

Sumitra Nair is an independent journalist based in Kochi. 

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