‘Strength isn’t loud...’: IAS officer shares the guilt of motherhood, especially in parents of daughters

On International Women's Day, as the world glorified the many sacrifices women make as mothers, IAS officer Divya Mittal shared the challenges of raising two daughters.

“Motherhood is full of guilt,” Mittal said as she introduced herself as an alumni of the prestigious IIT and IIM.

The IAS office, no stranger to struggle, shared that no amount of struggle that her career path demanded could have prepared her for the challenges of raising two daughters.

In a lengthy Twitter (now X) thread, Divya Mittal penned her thoughts as a parent of daughters.

Talking about her eight-year-old elder daughter, Mittal said the world is already trying to shut her tiny voice when she differs from them. “We can’t let them dim their light. Teach her to be respectful but firm. Tell her, her voice matters, even when it's shaky,” she said.

But the IAS officer, who is also a former IPS officer, said that when she cries to herself some nights—exhausted and stretched thin—her 8-year-old daughter hugs her and tells her, “You’re my hero.”

“They watch us. They learn resilience from our failures. Show her it’s okay to fall, then rise,” she said.

Divya Mital said her job taught her that strength isn’t loud. It’s steady.

“Be her rock not her crutch. Let her fall and get up. Just show that you will be there no matter what.”

Sharing her deepest fears, she said. “What if I am not enough. What if I make mistakes.”

Addressing the mothers going through similar guilt of motherhood, she said, “Know this - YOU are, in your own way, building a world where she can chase anything. Forgive yourself. You are enough.”

If you have more than one child, you have 10 times the responsibility, she said.

“Even more than loving, be JUST. Make them understand why you are choosing what you do. This will shape their worldview. No matter what role you have, you yourself must give your best,” she suggested.

“If you give up, how do you expect her to be a fighter. You are her biggest role model. To achieve greatness, she doesn't need to become a man,” she added.

Mittal also suggested mothers teach their daughters to stay true to themselves. “Her emotions are her asset. Teach her to use the empathy, love and kindness to make the world a better place. Life is not a popularity contest. She doesn't need to be liked to be respected.”

“Her worth is not in approval from others. The only person she needs to please is herself. Give her so much love, that no rejection, no criticism, no societal standard can break her confidence,” she added.

Mittal said parents are fortunate to be a part of their daughter's journey. “Her failures and joys. Succeses and accolades. Cherish them. Trust her. She’ll surprise you with what she can do!”

On Women's Day, the IAS officer addressed all the parents raising daughters and said, “We’re in this together. Let’s keep going. For them. For us. For a world that needs their fire.”