BackDon’t worry if your child tells lies - here’s why
As children get older, their justifications for lying get more complicated.
PremiumHave you ever caught a child in a lie and thought to yourself, "They're just too young to be lying"? Well, think again! Recent research has shown that most children learn to lie effectively between the ages of 2 and 4, making the first successful lie a developmental achievement.
But, what does lying really mean for child development? As it turns out, lying is not only a normal part of growing up, but it also plays a positive role in a child's normal development. Essential human skills, such as independence, perspective-taking and emotional control, are the same skills that enable children to lie.
However, children don't just learn to lie on their own. They learn it from the people around them, including parents and teachers who, in subtle and not-so-subtle ways, teach children to suppress their honesty. Children also observe active lying by the adults in their lives, which can further reinforce the idea that lying is acceptable in certain situations.
As children grow older, their reasons for lying become more complex, similar to those of adults. They may lie to avoid punishment, gain an advantage, protect themselves from an unwanted consequence, or even boost their self-esteem. And just like adults, children may also lie to demonstrate power, maintain privacy, or protect a friend.
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Interestingly, there is a developmental progression to lying. At first, children may lie to achieve a goal or reward by saying something they know or believe to be false. Their intention may be to affect the listener's behaviour, such as avoiding punishment or receiving a reward.
Cognitive development
But, lying for very-young children is actually a sign of cognitive development. Learning to lie requires children to have cognitive self-control to suppress the truth and an understanding of something simple but profound: what they know might be different from what others know.
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So, the next time you catch a child in a lie, don't be too quick to judge. Instead, recognise that lying is a normal and important part of a child's development. And who knows, that little lie might just be a sign that they are developing some pretty advanced cognitive skills!
Importance of honesty
Anyway, you don’t want your child to grow up to be an expert liar. Besides being a role model for honesty, make sure you praise them for it when your child is honest. This will reinforce the importance of honesty and encourage them to continue telling the truth. Praise their efforts and acknowledge their honesty even if the outcome of their honesty may not have been what they were expecting.
At the same time, encourage your child to communicate openly with you. Make it clear that you value honesty and that you want to hear the truth even if it is something difficult to hear. By creating an open and trusting environment, your child will feel more comfortable telling you the truth.
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