Gray hair is a new power move for women at work

“It was, ‘Wow, I really am in my 50s," the lawyer in Silver Spring, Md., says. “My biological age looking back at me."

Yet, she says she felt liberated, free from the money and time spent in a salon chair, accepting of this new phase of life.

“I’m launching the new me," she told herself as she posted the picture on LinkedIn.

As more women ramp up their days in the office and hit the fall conference circuit, some are sporting a fresh, silver look. It’s a physical transformation and a deeper nod to authenticity, an attempt to defy stereotypes and reclaim confidence.

Stuck at home during the early part of the pandemic, with hair salons closed, many decided to let go and see what happened. They hid the awkward dye lines by donning strategically placed headbands or pulling hair into ponytails on Zoom calls. Once they made it to the other side, some found they actually loved what they saw.

They know there are biases against older women, people who would say they’ve let themselves go or can’t keep up with their younger counterparts. But they’ve decided, often after some hand-wringing, they don’t really care.

“It’s both risky, and it’s awesome, " says Joan C. Williams, who studies gender at work as the director of the Center for WorkLife Law at University of California Hastings Law. She embraced her own gray about a decade ago.

On the one hand, youthful celebrities like the singer Ciara and the model Cara Delevingne have sported silver locks as a fashion statement. Work wardrobes are trending more casual after the past 2½ years.

On the other, Canadian broadcaster Lisa LaFlamme faced a different situation when she went gray. After her TV contract was terminated earlier this year, brands including fast-food chain Wendy’s Canada made their mascots gray in support. Ms. LaFlamme’s former employer said that age, gender and gray hair did not play a role in the decision.

Precious Norman-Walton, who works in the insurance industry, spent years ironing her hair straight and dyeing it red and brown. She’d overheard colleagues questioning if an older worker had enough “energy" for an account, and scoffing at a white-haired job applicant. Why let her hair—which was firmly gray by the time she was 30—be a distraction, or worse, a hurdle?

“I just kind of read the room," the 43-year old Plano, Texas, resident says.

Still, she had a nagging feeling she was covering up who she really was. The pandemic’s break from normalcy gave her the courage to ditch the dye and chop her hair short.

Then the questions started at work. Was she sick? Depressed? Having a midlife crisis?

“No," she says she told colleagues. “This is intentional."

When Sheri Booms Holm’s hair stylist canceled her December 2020 appointment after coming down with Covid-19, the 61-year-old decided to avoid the salon for a stretch. She was surprised to find that her hair came in a lovely silvery hue—and that she suddenly felt so confident. She started wearing brighter colors and experimenting with new lipstick.

“Younger generations, they don’t really notice the older people," she says. So might as well let your hair go gray and don that fuchsia blazer, the St. Paul, Minn.-area resident figures. “In the long run, it’s what makes you feel better."

Of course, some women I talked to did not feel empowered without their highlights and hair dye. They say they cringed when staring at their roots on Zoom, and worried about being passed over for jobs, promotions or plum projects. Some were admonished by female colleagues to stop aging themselves. Chi Dong, a Plano, Texas, financial adviser and educator, lasted a year with gray hair before spending three hours getting a full head of blonde. A comment from her male business partner prompted the change.

I caught up with Julie Marie Totsch, a Racine, Wis., software developer, the day before her $120 monthly appointment with her stylist. “I wish we would all just wake up tomorrow morning and say enough is enough," she says. In reality, she doesn’t want colleagues to think she’s slowing down or nearing retirement.

“If I was to go gray, it would be an even more constant reminder that I’m older than every member of my team," says Ms. Totsch, age 54.

Women’s concerns are not unfounded, says Louise Pendry, a senior lecturer at University of Exeter in the U.K. who studies ageism at work. Children as young as three internalize negative stereotypes about age, she says, namely the idea that older people are incompetent. Women of all ages are also often thought of as less competent than men, adds Ms. Williams, the gender researcher, creating a double whammy for older women. In unpublished research, Dr. Pendry and a co-author found female participants were comfortable hiring women with gray hair, while male participants were less willing to do so.

“These kind of automatic associations don’t go away overnight," Dr. Pendry says. Gray hair on a man is often associated with wisdom and credibility, she notes. Meanwhile, women are inundated with ads for age-defying creams and serums, special sprays to cover up gray roots, Botox and fillers. “There is this huge pressure on women to not age."

Blogger Carly Riordan greets disapproving comments from some of her followers with a shrug. The 33-year-old New Jersey resident embraced the gray stripe at the center of her hairline several years ago, parting it in the middle to amp up the effect.

“I’m not graying prematurely," she says. “I’m just not covering it up."

The truth is, she loves how it looks. Without the streak, she finds her dark brown hair boring, her online persona as a young, slim mom essentially a dime a dozen on Instagram these days. The gray is a differentiator.

Besides, in a public-facing job, she figures onlookers will always find something to complain about.

“If I like it, that’s all that should matter," she says.