These happy couples aren't sharing bank accounts—they're sharing spreadsheets

Most U.S. couples keep some of their finances apart, research shows. A Bankrate survey conducted late last year found that 62% of married adults and those living with a partner kept some or all of their finances separate.

Those who keep their money separate say they have found it is best to divide the mortgage, car payment, Netflix and other bills based on each person’s income and whether both use it. Couples who do this say it’s liberating and prevents fights over money.

Ana Orellana, an engineer in the oil-and-gas sector, enters their $2,827 mortgage payment, daycare, insurance and other bills into Excel to calculate how to divide household costs with her husband, Ross Reichert. In June, she paid 56% of the shared expenses and Reichert the remaining 44%, based on the ratio of their salaries. Each keeps whatever money is left.

“He’s riskier with money," Orellana, 39 years old, said. “If I want to buy a dress, it’s my money. If he wants to buy fishing gear, it doesn’t impact me."

The setup preserves their independence, while they still work toward shared goals, like saving for retirement, she said. In nearly six years of marriage, they tweaked the formula about eight times to reflect changing salaries.

“We have something tangible we can both look at. There’s a lot of accountability," Reichert, 37, said. “We can’t argue with the math."

Not everyone finds marital bliss from monthly audits. Couples who keep their money separate tend to be less happy in their relationships than those who merge their finances, several studies over the past five years suggest. Joint accounts help partners feel they have shared financial goals, researchers found, while not knowing how a spouse spends money can cause distrust and insecurity.

Those committed to maintaining their financial freedom say they can overcome those risks through transparency, communication and the use of spreadsheets and apps.

On expense-splitting platform Splitwise, the default setting is to split every bill in half, and 97% of couples stick with that. The number of couples using a 60-40 split, the most popular alternative, doubled since last year.

Track changes

Most people don’t make the same amount as their partner, so splitting bills with a ratio that reflects their different incomes is a better choice than straight down the middle, said Rachel Lawrence, who leads advice and planning at the budgeting app Monarch.

Donald Bruce Ross III, a 36-year-old associate professor who directs the family financial counseling program at the University of Kentucky, evaluates how to divide the bills at least twice a year with his fiancée, a bookkeeper.

Last year, he contributed 53.3% to their shared costs, while she covered 46.7%. When his 32-year-old fiancée received a raise and he didn’t, their split shifted to 60%-40%.

Large costs require discussion of whether they are personal expenses or shared ones that both should contribute to, he said.

“She’s not paying for my bourbon budget," Ross said. “But if it’s a family expense, or there’s a family need, it becomes more nuanced."

They share the cost of tuition for her master’s degree, since it benefits the family, he said. They’re still discussing how to handle her upcoming car purchase.

Women in the workforce

Financial planners say female clients are often pushing for a conversation about contributions to the family budget. Part of that reflects the broader changes in the workforce and pay.

Women are marrying later in life and entering relationships having managed their own money, according to Bank of America research. While men still earn more, in 29% of opposite-sex marriages, husbands and wives now earn roughly the same amount, up from 11% in 1972, according to a 2023 survey of more than 5,000 U.S. adults from Pew Research Center.

In 2023, 55% of people who downloaded Honeydue, a bill-management app for couples, were women, according to founder Eugene Park. Women entered new expenses to divide with their partner 12% more often than men did and used the app to start conversations about finances 8% more often.

Orellana, the engineer who relies on Excel for budgeting, said seeing her mother’s financial difficulties after her parents’ divorce shaped her desire for control over her own finances.

“My mom got lucky my dad kept paying all the bills until I moved out of the house," Orellana said. “It taught me to be independent."

Accounting for happiness

Merging accounts helps partners feel like they have shared financial goals and encourages teamwork, academics have said, while not knowing how a spouse spends money can make people feel less secure.

Still, keeping finances separate can provide autonomy, let spouses share responsibility for managing money and leave room for both to gain financial knowledge, said Hristina Nikolova, associate professor at Northeastern University, who studies relationship finances. She said transparency is the key: Don’t use a personal account to hide what you’re spending.

When Trell Hill, 45, and his wife, Tiffany Hill, 48, got married in 2008, she made $20,000 a year more than him as a physical therapist. They kept their accounts separate as they settled into being newlyweds. She also wanted to maintain her financial independence after growing up in a single-parent household.

A year in, he convinced her to pool their money.

“I never want to have conversations about who paid for groceries," said the cybersecurity auditor from Arlington, Texas, who now earns more than his wife. “I don’t live in half the house, so why think about splitting it half and half?"