Nicole Kidman recalls being 'beyond lonely, a mess’ despite winning Oscar: ‘Where’s my partner?’

Hollywood star Nicole Kidman opened up about the ups and downs of her life and remembered battling loneliness during successful moments of her career. The 59-year-old actress won her first Oscar Award in 2003 for her performance as Virginia Woolf in The Hours. However, she said that she felt 'beyond lonely' that night after reaching home.

Nicole Kidman on her personal life during first Oscar win

“I was beyond lonely,” Kidman admitted on the Thursday during her appearance on the Therapuss podcast with host Jake Shane. Promoting Practical Magic 2, she said, “I had the pinnacle of my success, and I went home and was so lonely.”

‘I’ve got to get a life’

Kidman's Oscar win arrived after she divorced Tom Cruise in 2001. She called 2003 a wake-up call for her.

"So, yeah, crazy, though, that sort of the confluence of events where you go, ‘I wish…’ I had my mom with me and my dad, but I was like, ‘Where’s my partner, someone that I can share this with?’ ” Kidman said, adding, “It was one of the most profound moments where I went, ‘I’ve got to get a life’ and at the same time, I’m holding this gold statue where you go, ‘This is, this is it. This is the highest sort of prize you can get in our industry.’ And so grateful and yet so lonely.”

Kidman described her mood back then as “Weird, is what I felt.”

“I’d love to be able to just, you know, be wrapped in somebody’s arms right now,” she quipped. “I’d love to be around now, something that feels really, ‘Oh, okay. This is my real life.’ ”

Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise

Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise got married in 1990 and parted ways officially in 2001.

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban

Later, Kidman met and fell in love with country singer Keith Urban. The two got married in 2006 and welcomed two daughters, Sunday Rose, 18, and Faith Margaret, 15.

In 2025, they split and finalised the divorce in January 2026, ending their 19 years of marriage.

Earlier, Nicole Kidman made a similar statement about her first Oscar win in a book about the Academy Awards. People.com quoted her saying, “I was struggling with things in my personal life, yet my professional life was going so well,” she shared with author Dave Karger in his book 50 Oscar Nights. “That’s what happens, right?”